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Let the delusion begin, well actually that should read, Let the delusion continue! It’s getting very close to that most grand time of year when all the verbal bullying on team message boards will either be substantiated on the field, and chat room Nostradamus’s will be crowned and praised, or force ill informed posters to hide behind new handles until their team gives them reason to resurface. Is there really anything greater than the respect of keyboard jockeys the nation over having to be defended and affirmed by a bunch of 18-21 year olds who wouldn’t know SoonerBob from BeauxTigers or WolverIrene from T#15Teboner? Metallica said it best “Sad but true!” A wise coach once said (and he was wise because he managed to get fired yet stay on the schools payroll for years with some trumped up title)that every Saturday half the teams that play will loose. He also likened a big rivalry game to a bowl of your favorite ice cream and encouraged that it should be savored and enjoyed, which probably led to his unceremonious departure. But all this aside, he was on to something with his bold prediction of half winners and half losers every Saturday. He was clearly months ahead of the Rules Committee and their crazy new "overtime rule." But we digress. Ask yourself, would it really be fun to support a team, spend big money on tickets/travel/lodging/gear/emotionally driven bets as you walk into the stadium if you thought you were pulling for a loser? At the end of the day this ain’t the NFL and these kids chose to attend your respective school. Seriously how gratifying is to know that the 8th best in-state QB and an unranked 5' 8" WR chose to get a free ride and be treated like royalty at the same school you bled, sweated and cried to get in, stay in and hopefully get out of. This my friend is why College Football will forever rein supreme to sports fans and odds makers alike for the duration of time. Below you will find the AP preseason top 25, in increments of 5; the Levee will give an honest, un-researched preview as to why their fans will be toasting a great season or toasting the first basketball game against Athletes In Action. Feel free to disagree and then Google that particular teams chat room, create a witty anonymous handle and saddle up your keyboard for a surely insightful rebuttal to this nonsense.

AP Top 25

1. Florida - Tim Tebow can win connect four in three moves. Superman sleeps in Tim Tebow pajamas. Tim Tebow does not own nor know how to effectively motorboat. Tim Tebow won the Heisman and the Nicaraguan equivalent in the same year. The Gators won’t overlook an Ole Miss again this year; even Tebow’s teammates are tired of watching that speech on Youtube. Not much to be said about the juggernaut Meyer has going in Gainesville. Coach Meyer and the Gators will repeat, you heard it hear 5th. They will win and win and win a lot, beat Bama or LSU in the SEC Championship and cruise over to Pasadena and beat Texas in the BCS Championship game. Congratulations Gatornation, you’ve repeated but you still live in Florida and as far as possible from quality fishing.

2. Texas - The NCAA established scholarship limits because of one Darrell Royal. Back in the day Darrell would give scholarships to every Dick and Tom in the state of Texas just to keep them from going to A&M. Or maybe it was the all male military thing that kept the studs away from College Station, but I digress. But now Mack yellow teeth verging on Brown doesn’t have to play those games. His “you play at Texas, you are above the law” sales pitch is taking care of his personnel needs. So naturally the talent flows into Austin. BREAKING NEWS: Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley like to fish together, someone tweet Brett Musburger, so he can remind us every Saturday for the next 16 weeks. Okay, back to my 40 acres and a mule. Memo to Texas fans: graduates, students, 7-11 graveyard shift workers and homeless guy on the Drag you all will be happy with the team Brown/Obama puts out on the 40 acres this season. With pain that can only be equated to a series of spinal taps, it breaches The Levee to tell you that your horns will be good and by good I mean play in the BCS Championship good. But you will loose. However, the arrogance and entitlement that you all seem to inherit while on campus, will be on show when you and your stepford wives host party after party over the holiday season in anticipation for the big game. Enjoy comparing Labradoddles you pompous invertebrates!

3. Oklahoma - To be sung to the tune of Indian Outlaw, by Tim McGraw:

I’m an Indian Quarterback,
Half Cherokee and Heisman,
My baby is a black jack dealer and she’s one of a kind.
The village chieftain wears a Visor,
He likes to bend the rules and then play dumb,
But the NCAA makes him walk the line.
He does it all the time.

Okay, that is getting tough. Deal is OU will be good, they return mucho NFL talent at a lot of positions. Why the likes of Sam Bradford and Jermaine Gresham would pass up guaranteed millions in the NFL, should tell you and the NCAA something, but apparently Rhett Bomar and Big Red Sport/Imports was a one time thing. Regardless the Sooners will win games, put up big numbers, stay in the top 5, but ultimately loose to Texas in Dallas. The good news Sooner fans, is you won’t loose in the BCS Championship game again, because you won’t be in it. But don’t go disturbing the Medicine Man; you will be in a BCS game. So grab your ponies and go study some cave drawings and please, for the sake of the Big XII, be prepared for simple sandlot plays, like the Statue of Liberty and the dreaded hook-n-lateral.

4. USC - You know what white horses are good for? Carnival pony rides or glue factories. Coach Carroll will trot out another who’s who group of college football players and The Hills extras in ’09, but like last year, no college experience at QB. Although Mitch Mustain sits on the 3rd team, after starting at Arky as a true freshman, great move leaving Mitch, was your mommy given permission to call plays at USC? But I digress. The prophylactics will usher out a true freshman to call the singles this season, in Matt Barkley. Look at his tips, tell me this guy wasn’t born to start at USC and coincidentally run into LC at the Laguna Surf Shop during filming. There’s no doubt that the skill players are in place, even with WR Ronald Johnson out 6-8 weeks. They have a stable of running backs and a bunch of former American Gladiators on defense. USC should win the PAC 10, there biggest test might be in week 2 when Ken doll QB gets his second career start in Columbus at the vaunted Horseshoe. Not sure if the size and scope of the Horseshoe and the hype of the game will get to him first or if seeing that many ugly people so concentrated in one place will. USC will be in a BCS Bowl, and it will be the Rose Bowl, unfortunately there will be another game at the Rose Bowl a few nights later to crown the BCS Champion and if any USC players are at this one, it will be to knock out some community service hours.

5. Alabama - Paging all 3 named Quarterbacks that can play above average, yet far from excellent, efficiently hand the ball off to a stud running back, throw jump balls to Julio Jones and also get tail anytime, anyplace. After a year that, whether the tide fans will admit it or not, exceeded expectations but was closed out with an embarrassing defeat to the Utes in a Crimson Tide friendly Sugar Bowl, Bama hopes to once again lean on their defense for another SEC Championship run. It took a mighty defensive effort and Jarrett Lee going color blind, for the Tide to escape Baton Rouge with an overtime victory. It was told to a Bama fan, from yours truly while leaving Tiger Stadium “Congratulations, y’all will handle Auburn and then not win another game.” This was said knowing that Florida was waiting in the SEC Championship and assuming they would get a harder foe than Utah in a BCS Bowl. Regardless it looks as if the Levee’s tarot card reader was money well spent. Saban, love him or hate him, has a good thing “rolling” in Tuscaloosa. Having just signed an extension that will pay him close to 4 mil/per through 2017 has him locked down unless a Tony Danza look-a-like world tour takes off. The talent is continuing to pour in and memories of the great hounds toothed one are beginning to seem more like a reality than the Dubose/Shula/Fran puppeteers. Bama will field if not the best; one of the top 5 defenses in the country and Julio Jones (WR) is as good as anyone else in the country. If the Tide can make it out of the SEC West, having LSU at home will help; they will more than likely have a rematch with Florida. Where every 3rd world child, that now has indoor plumbing, thanks to Tim Tebow, will sacrifice hundreds of pigs to the Pigskin Gods to ensure another Florida victory. Tide fans. hope you didn’t mess your hotel rooms up too bad in New Orleans last year, because the Levee has you back in the Sugar Bowl, possibly facing the Horny Toads of TCU.

6. Ohio State - Instead of scripting Ohio, how about scripting a win in a BCS Championship or even a BCS bowl game for that matter. The Buckeyes should be the odds on favorites to win the Big 10 this year, a late season trip to State College, PA will more than likely decide that outright. The Ohio St. gets USC at home in week two, now on paper USC has the edge, but at game time the Trojans will likely have a true Freshman QB making only his second career start and it coming at The Horseshoe, has to tip the hand to The Ohio St. The Terrelle Pryor will be fun to watch as he showed much versatility in their Fiesta Bowl loss to Texas. Not sure if or how many tatted and roided up white LB’s The Ohio St. plans to run out this year. But am sure The Horseshoe will be filled with buckeye jerseys over hoodies complemented with giant buckeye seed necklaces. Whatever on-field adversity The team and The fans face this year, they will all rest easier knowing that Michigan is reeling from their new found joy of self-mutilation.

7. Virginia Tech - After winning the regular season ACC Championship and then handling college football stalwarts Cincinnati in the Orange Bowl, the Hookies of Va. Tech have good reason to enter ’09 brimming with confidence. But with that also comes expectations. An early test, probably the best opening day game, against Alabama, will provide a good glimpse of what’s to come. It is admirable the way V Tech has traditionally scheduled at least one, sometimes two, non-cupcake nonconference games. They also have Nebraska in week 3. Granted this isn’t your granddads Neb team, but it’s not Louisiana Monroe either. Having Miami, BC and North Carolina in Blacksburg will be advantageous. There are a few difficult road games, at Georgia Tech and UVA, but those don’t come until mid-October and the last regular season game respectively. Outside of a derailing loss to a weaker team early (Georgia Tech), look for Beamer and his ballers to represent the Coastal division again in the ACC Conference Championship.

8. Mississippi - There has been a run on caviar and Johnny Walker Blue Label in Oxford this summer in anticipation for the Rebels upcoming season. A season that has probably not been as hyped since the NAACP successfully fought to have the confederate flag banished from David Duke Memorial Stadium. The Rebels are coming of a stellar year that included an improbable win over Florida in the Swamp and concluded with the wood shedding of the 11-1 Texas Tech Red Raiders in the Cotton Bowl. If Snead can avoid the costly INT, like the few he heaved while backing up Colt McCoy, the Rebels should offer a balanced and affective offensive attack. Will Houston(s) Nutt(s) have Ole Missy hollering for more buttered grits? We shall see….

9. Oklahoma State - If victories could be bought Oklahoma State would be awarded the Waterford Crystal National Champion trophy today, unfortunately wins can’t be bought, yet. But on the bright side, players still can be and that has Ok. Lite chalked full of hand Pickened playmakers. The Pokes will be rolling out one of the best trios of skilled guys in the country with Zack Robinson, Kendall Hunter and Dez Bryant. These 3 guys have three things in common, none could find Stillwater OK. on a map going into their senior year in high school, all will take pay cuts at the next level and all can do pretty special things with the ball in their hands. A week 1 show down with Georgia will do one of two things, substantiate the hype and create a lot of momentum or completely take the air out of their wind farm. It should be known however that no amount of wind will effect the coaching staff.

10. Penn State - Things hope to only get happier in Happy Valley and it’s not because they have come out with a sporty sideline version of depends. Penn St. looks to take advantage of a down Big 10 as well this year. Penn St. has won 2 of the last 4 Big 10 Conference Championships and returns 10 starters in Joe Paterno’s 44th year as head coach and 60th year with the Penn St. football program. And one can only imagine that the taco-storm created by Coach Rodriguez over in Ann Arbor isn’t dampening spirits either.

11. LSU - You can’t spell delusional without LSU. And once again the Bayou Bengals fans are up for the challenge to outdo their blind ignorance once again. From Harvard to LSU and back to Harvard, sounds like an Acorn recruiting trip, but really it is the plight of clearly secure in his decisions QB Andrew Hatch. Perhaps when he was named ’08 starting QB and Dean of the Business School upon his arrival in Baton Rouge was more then Andy could handle. Fast forward past the Jarrett Lee experiment, an experiment to see how quickly his offense could turn their minds to defenders and chase DB’s on their way to pay dirt, and we have Jordan Jefferson an athletic QB that really came on late in the season. That coupled with the insertion of many highly touted recruits, including Russell Sheppard, Craig Loston and Rueben Randle the Tigers look to avenge last years disappointing season (in the minds of Tiger fans) and make a serious run at not only an SEC championship but also another National Championship. It really couldn’t happen to a better coach and fan base.

12. Cal - There are still a few obstructed view seats available in the tree houses atop the giant sequoias surrounding Cal Memorial Stadium. They are currently going for two hacky-sacks and one authentic dream catcher. Hippies and football have never got along, except at Cal Berkley over the past decade or so. Coach Jeff Tedford has built a much respected program and sans USC looks to be the next best Pac 10 team. With some luck and an occasional trombonist trampling the Bears could be primed to challenge for the conference championship. Now if they could just incorporate a deodorant drive at some of their home games, we would all be better off.

13. Georgia - Matt Stafford’s baby face and newly very adult size bank account will no longer be barking signals between the hedges at Sanford Stadium, but there will still be plenty of baby faces and adult size bank accounts in the stands, and that’s just the Greek block. The Dawgs also lost Knowshon Moreno to “greener” pastures. Coach Richt is looking at 5th yr Sr. Joe Cox to fill the Stafford void, but with wide out AJ Green, his transition from clipboard to pigskin will be a bit easier. An intriguing opening game against the Ok. State Cowboys will give UGA a great idea of what they can expect from themselves and a good warm-up to an always daunting SEC run. Fortunately they get LSU at home and then Florida at the world’s largest cocktail party, which should determine the SEC East champion and keep the Duval County Jail very busy.

14. Boise State - Are there any trick plays left? Outside of the fumbleruski or the Texas special I think the Broncos emptied the basket against OU a few years back, and with unheralded success. Outside of the “not made for HD” blue turf and their willingness to play on Tuesday afternoons, Boise State has put together one of the more impressive runs in the past decade of college football. Coach Peterson likes what he saw from his defense this spring and it will be tested right out of the blocks with a Thursday night match-up against Oregon’s Ducks. Looking at the Bronco’s schedule, the travel might begin to wear on them at some point; they play games in Hawaii, California, Utah, Oklahoma, Ohio and Louisiana.

15. Georgia Tech - The rambling wreck and Coach Paul Johnson look to put the dismantling job put on them by LSU in the Chick-fil-A-bowl in the rear view mirror and draw upon some of the positives from ‘08 coming into ’09. The most exciting has to be the return of ACC reigning player of the year, RB Jonathan Dwyer. The Tech running back averaged ~108 yards per game on the ground last year in Johnsons run first based offense. They look to mix in some more passing plays this year which could open it up even more for Dwyer. Tech has two SEC opponents on the docket this year and at worst will be 1-1 in the two but could easily be 2-0.

16. Oregon - Nike University should win a lot of ball games and look hideous in the process. Much like our current government is trying to do to us; Phil Knight has got Oregon by the tail feathers, he gives them all they think they need, when in reality he is clipping their wings rendering them completely dependent. A rare but intriguing opening weekend match-up with Boise St. should tell a lot about the rest of their season and how this years KB crop is coming in. It will be interesting to see how many of the possible 384 uniform combinations the Ducks dawn this season.

17. TCU - BCS Busters, will we here that again for the next 16 weeks. Probably so, the toads should keep form and roll out another solid defense. And as we all know, if you score you may win, but if they never score you will never loose. Opening at UVA (9/12) and then back to the East Coast two weeks later to the real Death Valley to tango with Clemson is some gutsy scheduling, but Patterson knows to get a seat at the years end table you’ve got to beat some big foes on the road.

18. Florida State - The Noles have weathered many a storm of late, from rampant academic fraud to QB’s that just can’t help but break the law. Now whether or not the highly touted new crop of players live up to their billing is anyone’s guess, but it is a safe bet that the fans will be openly exposing their Nole pride! Thank goodness, Tommy got that axe at Clemson, no more having to see Mrs. Bobby B in that hideous half garnet half hunters orange jersey. With the surge of South Florida and Miami looking to be headed back to the top in a hurry, the Noles are in jeopardy of becoming the 4th team in the Sunshine state.

19. Utah - Remove the Jim McMahon line from below and the rest all applies here as well. Coming off a program changing victory over the Crimson Tide in last years Sugar Bowl has got to give the Ute’s a ton of momentum and excitement coming in to this season.

20. BYU - It’s still a mystery how Jim McMahon ended up at Bring Your special Undies. Either way the cross breeding of 23-25 year old lily white Mormons and huka dancing Pacific islanders has year in and year out resulted in competitive teams. Other than that, all I know is they will probably have a gun-slinging QB and some “deceptively” fast DB’s.

21. North Carolina – This is one team that the Levee feels like should be higher and thinks that as the season progresses they will march up the polls, or down whichever way you prefer to visualize their ranking getting better. Butch Davis was a great hire, he’s recruiting lights out and they are doing this at a Basketball school. See Kansas as well, maybe elite athletes like to be around other elite athletes. Well maybe not Duke, or does Lacrosse count?


22. Iowa – For the hype and more importantly the money and contract extensions they keep giving Coach Ferentz, one would hope and expect much, much more. He is one of the top 10 highest paid coaches in college football, at $3.1 mil a year, with 2 Outback, 1 Alamo and 1 Capitol One championships to sing about. All that said they should take advantage of a way down Big 10 plus 1 conference this year. I know I’ll be on the edge of my seat to see how it plays out.

23. Notre Dame – Why? 3-9 in ’07, 6-6 in ’08 with an end of the season loss to Syracuse! But that was avenged with a whipping of Hawaii in the Hawaii Bowl. I guess it was because Jimmy Clausen finally felt like he fit in.


24. Nebraska – The Bo Pelini project enters year 2 and while expectations have climbed, season ticket sales have remained stagnate. He comes with a wealth of experience from time spent in the SEC at LSU; unfortunately he couldn’t bring the players or loose entrance requirements with him. Still a year or two away from re-claiming supremacy in the Big XII North, they should start to challenge this year.


25. Kansas – Very adequate QB returning in a system he has proven he can make work and, like UNC, they have started recruiting better, regardless of fears of authoritative cannibalism. KU should be the next to represent the Big XII North in the Championship game and lay down to whichever juggernaut the Big XII South rolls out. Someone alert San Antonio to start making extra enchiladas now for when Coach Mangino and team arrive for the Alamo Bowl.

Look for the next 5 teams to be haphazardly analyzed in the coming days.

If anyone's got an extra clue, the Pres sure could use it.

This guy just doesn’t get it. First he is equal parts black to white, was raised by a white mother and an even whiter grandmother, yet he proudly carries the title of first African American President. To be honest this should have the African Americans more upset than anyone else, but apparently not. Had he not come out with kinky hair, would he be just another multi-cultural politician that doesn’t mind a little junk in the trunk? Then in ’95 he pens the memoir “Dreams of My Father” now having not read the book we should steer clear and we will of the content, but having read the title, that’s fair game. From the title we will surmise this book has something to do with his father……….a man he met twice in his entire life! This is the equivalent of the Levee scripting a book on strategies for game planning and success in Water Polo. Well, we are strong swimmers and have a handful of Polo’s; doesn’t that make us the authority? The latest is just a case of brain fog coupled with a serious case of what we like to call Untouchableitis. A serious sometimes debilitating syndrome that usually is brought on by being the first to reach particular heights and having throngs of followers that see no chinks in your armor and hang on your every teleprompted word. So this weekend amid the country’s ever increasing economic woes and while we are waging war in two separate theatres the first family decided they needed a week at a 28 acre private retreat on Martha’s Vineyard. To the tune of $35,000.00 a week. First off don’t you have to accrue vacation time at most new jobs? Secondly how many of the currently ~11% unemployed probably maxed out around $35,000.00/year and are now seeing the un-chosen one spend that on 1 week of vacation. Was the 3 weeks in Europe not good enough? Shouldn’t the girls be in school? How do you follow up a private island vacation, send them to the moon for spring break? And does that dog have cataracts or something? Thought for sure he would've high tailed it by now.

Children of The Levee

These days when a baby is born, see’s daylight and an Asian or East Indian doctor for the first time, they are accompanied with a bunch of stuff, unfortunately none of it containing an instruction manual. In most cases that leaves mom and dad to do what they think is best, in some cases that leaves mom trying to find a dad, either way no one has ever claimed raising a child is easy. But there are some basics that should be implored universally and while it won’t guarantee an Eagle Scout, Homecoming Queen or Valedictorian, you can bet it will ensure that your kid isn’t that “he/she needs a good ass kicking” kid. We all know a few of those.

The Levee’s top 10 child rearing pointers:

*Teach politeness early and often. A yes mam and no sir still and will go a very long way.
*Allowance should be earned, not assumed.
*Every boy should know how to mow a yard, this includes edging and sweeping.
*Every girl should at least learn a few things about how a kitchen works.
*Both should be able to do a load of laundry on demand.
*Teach them how to iron, nothing fancy, but something other than hanging it in the shower for 45 minutes.
*Your child should not be your best friend. They will/should make plenty in school.
*No should be used as often as Yes. And No’s should be non-negotiable.
*Hold your children accountable. You bail them out once, welcome to the rest of your life.
*Teach and demand respect, to get it you have to give it.

Follow these 10 simple tips and who knows, maybe one day your child will be writing a semi-entertaining blog.