Sometimes it would be nice to offer things without comment, but that’s what scrapbooking is for.
Separation of Church and State has sparked wars, been debated, been taught, philosophized about, been interpreted, been over-turned and also upheld since the beginning of civilization.
* Since adding it in 1954, countless groups have been trying to get “under God” removed from the Pledge of Allegiance.
* In Alabama they required a monument of the Ten Commandments be removed from their State Judicial building.
In fact our own President has waded into this murky pond once or twice before, problem is he’s been wading on both sides of the pond
Example 1) Toe the company line.
Example 2) Piss on the company line.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Extra Extra, you probably didn't read all about it.
And as promised, here’s some college football for you. These are some of the “not so” headlines that might have made your local gazettes 5th or 6th page in the sports section. None of these stories should affect any actual games, but none the less they are all true and, well, entertaining in some capacity.
Notre Dame – A group of former golden domers and one slobbering ex-coach took on Team Japan recently. In football, and even more surprising…..they won! Not so much the who, when and where, those answers are all provided, But WHAT and WHY???? What’s next is Notre Dame going to invite a pro-abortion politician to speak at graduation?
SEC/Florida – Media days in the SEC is a cross between Cirque Du Soleil and the first round of American Idol tryouts, on one hand you have immense talent and ability and on the other you have communities and individuals with backwards priorities, unrealistic expectations and a warped since of reality. Sit back and enjoy the train wreck. So the clouds part and Tim Tebow descends to sitteth at the right hand of Urban Meyer. Things are going as normal as one would expect, knowing that it is SEC media days, and then a question comes from the back asking Tim, considering his rock star status on the Gainesville campus, if he has been able to resist temptation and maintain his Jessica Simpson pre-Nick Lachey status. You could’ve heard a microscopic camera drop out of a small hole drilled in an adjoining hotel room wall, when he finished asking the question. But Tim being Tim, he grinned and let the world know, that yes he has and that he still fully intends to wait. Good for you Tim, shame on the idiot that would ask a college student/athlete this kind of question.
SEC/South Carolina - Then there was Steve Spurrier, who was the only coach not to have Tim Tebow as the pre-season SEC 1st Team QB going into the season. He claims it was an oversight by a staffer, but we think maybe the fellow/former Gator QB and Heisman trophy winner does stuff like this all the time to carve out just a small space in the head of his opponents. He has had some classic quotes in the past like:
* When asked about how he felt being in "Big Orange" country by Tennessee reporters, Spurrier replied: "I thought this was Vanderbilt country."
* Questioned the abilities of Head Coach Phillip Fulmer of Tennessee "You can't spell Citrus without UT" and former Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning "I know why Peyton came back for his senior year: he wanted to be a three-time Citrus Bowl MVP"
* Spurrier Poked fun at a fire that burned 20 books at an Auburn University football dorm, saying “But the real tragedy was the 15 hadn’t been colored yet!”
* After a blowout win over Kentucky in 1996: "These sort of games don't prove very much. All it proves is we're better then Kentucky."
And many more zingers.
Texas A&M – As if 4-8 weren’t bad enough, the Ags recently had their football complex and locker rooms broken into. Turns out the perp was more than likely a disgruntled former team member. No charges were filled; I guess they figured the shame of loosing to Arkansas St. was punishment enough. Note to remaining team members: Yes we want that ass-whipping mentality back, but more the, I’m going to rip your lips off and talk shit to you with your own mouth, versus, I’m going to sneak in under the cover of dark and sprinkle protein powder around a locker room floor! COME ON!!
North Dakota State – 4 DUI’s and 2 possessions w/ intent to sell in 6 months for the Bison football team, no wonder they almost became extinct. According to NDSU Student Orientation Director, Laura Oster-Aaland, North Dakota leads the country in binge drinking at all ages. With players and fans like that, game day must rock!
Tennessee – The Vols have had a rash of summer injuries, including 4 impact offensive players that will have to miss part or all of the upcoming season. Coach Lane Kiffin wanted to visit with the newest strength and conditioning coach to make sure it wasn’t a result of overtraining. He was assured it wasn’t but, this could clearly be karma and a direct result of Coach Kiffin’s recent over-talking instead.
There will be much more college football talk in the near future. Whether it be legit newsworthy stories or the highlighting of poor decision making by young college athletes or coaches. You can bet you’ll get an unfair and biased opinion here at the levee.
Notre Dame – A group of former golden domers and one slobbering ex-coach took on Team Japan recently. In football, and even more surprising…..they won! Not so much the who, when and where, those answers are all provided, But WHAT and WHY???? What’s next is Notre Dame going to invite a pro-abortion politician to speak at graduation?
SEC/Florida – Media days in the SEC is a cross between Cirque Du Soleil and the first round of American Idol tryouts, on one hand you have immense talent and ability and on the other you have communities and individuals with backwards priorities, unrealistic expectations and a warped since of reality. Sit back and enjoy the train wreck. So the clouds part and Tim Tebow descends to sitteth at the right hand of Urban Meyer. Things are going as normal as one would expect, knowing that it is SEC media days, and then a question comes from the back asking Tim, considering his rock star status on the Gainesville campus, if he has been able to resist temptation and maintain his Jessica Simpson pre-Nick Lachey status. You could’ve heard a microscopic camera drop out of a small hole drilled in an adjoining hotel room wall, when he finished asking the question. But Tim being Tim, he grinned and let the world know, that yes he has and that he still fully intends to wait. Good for you Tim, shame on the idiot that would ask a college student/athlete this kind of question.
SEC/South Carolina - Then there was Steve Spurrier, who was the only coach not to have Tim Tebow as the pre-season SEC 1st Team QB going into the season. He claims it was an oversight by a staffer, but we think maybe the fellow/former Gator QB and Heisman trophy winner does stuff like this all the time to carve out just a small space in the head of his opponents. He has had some classic quotes in the past like:
* When asked about how he felt being in "Big Orange" country by Tennessee reporters, Spurrier replied: "I thought this was Vanderbilt country."
* Questioned the abilities of Head Coach Phillip Fulmer of Tennessee "You can't spell Citrus without UT" and former Tennessee quarterback Peyton Manning "I know why Peyton came back for his senior year: he wanted to be a three-time Citrus Bowl MVP"
* Spurrier Poked fun at a fire that burned 20 books at an Auburn University football dorm, saying “But the real tragedy was the 15 hadn’t been colored yet!”
* After a blowout win over Kentucky in 1996: "These sort of games don't prove very much. All it proves is we're better then Kentucky."
And many more zingers.
Texas A&M – As if 4-8 weren’t bad enough, the Ags recently had their football complex and locker rooms broken into. Turns out the perp was more than likely a disgruntled former team member. No charges were filled; I guess they figured the shame of loosing to Arkansas St. was punishment enough. Note to remaining team members: Yes we want that ass-whipping mentality back, but more the, I’m going to rip your lips off and talk shit to you with your own mouth, versus, I’m going to sneak in under the cover of dark and sprinkle protein powder around a locker room floor! COME ON!!
North Dakota State – 4 DUI’s and 2 possessions w/ intent to sell in 6 months for the Bison football team, no wonder they almost became extinct. According to NDSU Student Orientation Director, Laura Oster-Aaland, North Dakota leads the country in binge drinking at all ages. With players and fans like that, game day must rock!
Tennessee – The Vols have had a rash of summer injuries, including 4 impact offensive players that will have to miss part or all of the upcoming season. Coach Lane Kiffin wanted to visit with the newest strength and conditioning coach to make sure it wasn’t a result of overtraining. He was assured it wasn’t but, this could clearly be karma and a direct result of Coach Kiffin’s recent over-talking instead.
There will be much more college football talk in the near future. Whether it be legit newsworthy stories or the highlighting of poor decision making by young college athletes or coaches. You can bet you’ll get an unfair and biased opinion here at the levee.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Princeton Reviewed and Princeton still a loser.
The Princeton Review has once again released its list of “top ________ college”.
BYU – Soberest student body – Polygamy is tough enough, booze would only blur an already blurry practice.
Notre Dame – Every student is involved in intramural athletics - Too bad the football team isn’t.
George Washington – Most politically active students – Kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it?
New York University – Gay Community most accepted – San Francisco Art Institute is demanding a re-count.
Texas A&M – Most conservative student body – Banner year for TAMU continues, Golf Nat’l Champs, Men and Women Track Nat’l Champs. Track teams must have been at a meet when survey was performed.
Warren Wilson College – Most liberal student body – Students must work on campus to graduate, I thought liberals didn’t like to work?
West Point – Most accessible Profs – Making sure the concept of shot-to-kill is understood is pretty important. I hope they don’t need many tutors up there.
Penn State – Hardest partying student body – How does the Big 10 claim this every year? Long winters and fat chicks, sounds like a rocking party to me! You’ll notice they head south very quickly in their poll.
Brown University – Happiest students – Apparently it fades after graduating in some alumni.
Pomona College – Best classroom experience – Whit an average SAT of 1460 and ACT of 32, I suppose the classroom might be fun for them.
If your respective school didn’t make the list, there are many ways you can directly impact next year’s results. To start you could…..Put down the beer, pick up more beer, register to vote, vote straight ticket Democrat or straight ticket Republican, come out of the closet, harass those as they come out of the closet, annoy your profs daily, smile and giggle throughout the entire lecture, or study hard in high school and go to Pomona College.
BYU – Soberest student body – Polygamy is tough enough, booze would only blur an already blurry practice.
Notre Dame – Every student is involved in intramural athletics - Too bad the football team isn’t.
George Washington – Most politically active students – Kind of goes without saying, doesn’t it?
New York University – Gay Community most accepted – San Francisco Art Institute is demanding a re-count.
Texas A&M – Most conservative student body – Banner year for TAMU continues, Golf Nat’l Champs, Men and Women Track Nat’l Champs. Track teams must have been at a meet when survey was performed.
Warren Wilson College – Most liberal student body – Students must work on campus to graduate, I thought liberals didn’t like to work?
West Point – Most accessible Profs – Making sure the concept of shot-to-kill is understood is pretty important. I hope they don’t need many tutors up there.
Penn State – Hardest partying student body – How does the Big 10 claim this every year? Long winters and fat chicks, sounds like a rocking party to me! You’ll notice they head south very quickly in their poll.
Brown University – Happiest students – Apparently it fades after graduating in some alumni.
Pomona College – Best classroom experience – Whit an average SAT of 1460 and ACT of 32, I suppose the classroom might be fun for them.
If your respective school didn’t make the list, there are many ways you can directly impact next year’s results. To start you could…..Put down the beer, pick up more beer, register to vote, vote straight ticket Democrat or straight ticket Republican, come out of the closet, harass those as they come out of the closet, annoy your profs daily, smile and giggle throughout the entire lecture, or study hard in high school and go to Pomona College.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Birds of a feather, or of a crow, do what again?
It would be easy to jump on the topic of College Football right now with all the media days from the various conferences either currently or preparing to be held, but here on the levee we take pride in not falling in line. There will be plenty of that to come, fear not, but at this juncture it seems appropriate to aim the cross hairs at our elected walking lobotomies and the regularity of their elementary decision/comments.
Let’s start at the top and work down from there. Like they say, the manure always rolls down hill. Somewhere I think they had Capitol Hill in mind when that was coined. But I digress.
President Barry O decided to use his bully pulpit during the latest installment of “Presidents say the darndest things” to waver off the topic of French health care and address the Cambridge Mass. incident that involved a long time Harvard prof friend and his subsequent arrest for disorderly conduct. Very professional Mr. Pres to weigh in on a simple civil matter when 1) you self-admittedly know nothing of the circumstances 2) have a proven relationship with the defendant, but that has never been an issue now has it (see Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers). It was a clear example of your community organizer roots getting the better of you, but hey if the dog pees inside for 8 years why should we expect him to ask for a dogie door for his 9th birthday. Barry O was asked about this case where Cambridge PD was called to a house by a neighbor reporting that two men were ramming their shoulders into a front door of a residence that was not theirs. The responding officer knocked on the door and was met by Prof. Gates, Harvard African-American Studies Professor, who happened to be occupying the home on loan from the Rice University of the North. One thing led to another and the Prof became belligerent accusing the officer of being “one of those racist cops" and ordered him to leave the property. This went on and on in front of a growing mass of fellow officers and passers by. The prof made the guaranteed one way ticket to the clink comment saying “you don’t know who you’re messing with and I’m going to have your job.” Lets’ be honest we’ve all thought about saying that and some might have even tried, but we all know where it gets you. The officer had enough and decided to take the Prof in for disorderly conduct. So fast forward to the presser planned and scheduled by the Pres himself, seriously how pathetic is it when you have to plan your own “hey look and talk to me party.” When asked about the incident, by apparently some reporter in perfect health who could’ve cared less about some new health care system, Barry O referred to the officer’s actions as “stupid” and went on to say that as a country we have had a historical pattern of racial profiling. First, acknowledging and then responding to that sort of question was the more stupid of the two events. Second, sure wish we would have been doing a little more racial profiling the morning of Sep 11, 2001. Do you really think we aren’t profiled in other countries? Why then are the girls in Ciudad Town of Boys, Mexico sitting with you and not your cab driver? Seriously think about it.
As the levee pointed out a few weeks back while tracking the Dow and it’s response to Jacko’s memorial, one Sheila Jackson Lee of Houston was in attendance and used MJ’s coffin as a soap box to drive her own agenda. Well it has come to light that, while many in Houston mourned the lose of The King of Pop, that was clearly not the business those from her gerrymandered district had in mind, when being bussed to voting stations by Acorn, to cast their X for her in the last election. Turns out she was asked about how her LA trip was funded and this was the dialogue that ensued between SJL and some Wayne Dolcefino in training.
"Who paid for that trip for you to go to that memorial service?" reporter Joel Eisenbaum asked Jackson Lee when she appeared live on the Sunday morning newscast.
"Well, uh ... that ummm ... those resources are resources that I have and, therefore, they are in a way that does not interfere with anything that has to do with serving the United States Congress," answered Jackson Lee.
"Understood," Eisenbaum replied. "So, public funds?"
"Those resources are resources that I have," said Jackson Lee.
You might wonder about the District she reps, well here it is, Texas Congressional District 18, I wonder why they left out that big chunk in the middle? I’m no Census aficionado, but I used to trick or treat a lot, and I would be willing to bet that SJL and those in the “white hole” don’t see eye to eye on most social issues. Feel free to draw your own conclusion.
Folks, here at the levee we are not above reproach, I tried to run over a cat the other day and am willing to admit that, please judge away. We just like to point out the fleecing of our country that seems to be happening right under our very noses from time to time.
Let’s start at the top and work down from there. Like they say, the manure always rolls down hill. Somewhere I think they had Capitol Hill in mind when that was coined. But I digress.
President Barry O decided to use his bully pulpit during the latest installment of “Presidents say the darndest things” to waver off the topic of French health care and address the Cambridge Mass. incident that involved a long time Harvard prof friend and his subsequent arrest for disorderly conduct. Very professional Mr. Pres to weigh in on a simple civil matter when 1) you self-admittedly know nothing of the circumstances 2) have a proven relationship with the defendant, but that has never been an issue now has it (see Rev. Wright and Bill Ayers). It was a clear example of your community organizer roots getting the better of you, but hey if the dog pees inside for 8 years why should we expect him to ask for a dogie door for his 9th birthday. Barry O was asked about this case where Cambridge PD was called to a house by a neighbor reporting that two men were ramming their shoulders into a front door of a residence that was not theirs. The responding officer knocked on the door and was met by Prof. Gates, Harvard African-American Studies Professor, who happened to be occupying the home on loan from the Rice University of the North. One thing led to another and the Prof became belligerent accusing the officer of being “one of those racist cops" and ordered him to leave the property. This went on and on in front of a growing mass of fellow officers and passers by. The prof made the guaranteed one way ticket to the clink comment saying “you don’t know who you’re messing with and I’m going to have your job.” Lets’ be honest we’ve all thought about saying that and some might have even tried, but we all know where it gets you. The officer had enough and decided to take the Prof in for disorderly conduct. So fast forward to the presser planned and scheduled by the Pres himself, seriously how pathetic is it when you have to plan your own “hey look and talk to me party.” When asked about the incident, by apparently some reporter in perfect health who could’ve cared less about some new health care system, Barry O referred to the officer’s actions as “stupid” and went on to say that as a country we have had a historical pattern of racial profiling. First, acknowledging and then responding to that sort of question was the more stupid of the two events. Second, sure wish we would have been doing a little more racial profiling the morning of Sep 11, 2001. Do you really think we aren’t profiled in other countries? Why then are the girls in Ciudad Town of Boys, Mexico sitting with you and not your cab driver? Seriously think about it.
As the levee pointed out a few weeks back while tracking the Dow and it’s response to Jacko’s memorial, one Sheila Jackson Lee of Houston was in attendance and used MJ’s coffin as a soap box to drive her own agenda. Well it has come to light that, while many in Houston mourned the lose of The King of Pop, that was clearly not the business those from her gerrymandered district had in mind, when being bussed to voting stations by Acorn, to cast their X for her in the last election. Turns out she was asked about how her LA trip was funded and this was the dialogue that ensued between SJL and some Wayne Dolcefino in training.
"Who paid for that trip for you to go to that memorial service?" reporter Joel Eisenbaum asked Jackson Lee when she appeared live on the Sunday morning newscast.
"Well, uh ... that ummm ... those resources are resources that I have and, therefore, they are in a way that does not interfere with anything that has to do with serving the United States Congress," answered Jackson Lee.
"Understood," Eisenbaum replied. "So, public funds?"
"Those resources are resources that I have," said Jackson Lee.
You might wonder about the District she reps, well here it is, Texas Congressional District 18, I wonder why they left out that big chunk in the middle? I’m no Census aficionado, but I used to trick or treat a lot, and I would be willing to bet that SJL and those in the “white hole” don’t see eye to eye on most social issues. Feel free to draw your own conclusion.
Folks, here at the levee we are not above reproach, I tried to run over a cat the other day and am willing to admit that, please judge away. We just like to point out the fleecing of our country that seems to be happening right under our very noses from time to time.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
The Dow of MJ.
They say that in a time of anguish, those in grief, should try to carry on as normal as possible, with the hope that a sense normalcy will allow ones mind to be free of the crisis at hand. Seeing on TV today, obviously heeding such advice and maintaining a sense of normalcy, all of Harlem and much of the world for that matter had taken the day off to watch Michael Jackson’s memorial. So I did the only thing I knew to do and decided to conduct an interactive critical analysis of the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJI) and the fluctuations based on whom was speaking/eulogizing/singing/campaigning/reverse racism preaching etc…. This will not include every person who spoke; I found that if I hadn’t heard of them, than the stock traders in NY wouldn’t have either; thus having no real bearing on the market.
Berry Gordy – Founder of Motown Records was when the experiment began.
At this point the DJI was down/off 88 points (-88) for the day from an opening number of 8,325. The larger the number in ( ) the lower the market is going. That makes our starting total 8,237. If you can’t follow that don’t worry, actually be afraid, very afraid. For your future isn’t bright.
Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson – Two Laker greats, one has it all, the other wants it all minus 1 thing.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Kobe reading from teleprompter at a funeral, traders aren’t impressed (-89)
* Magic takes over, traders think this guy is invincible, they’re right (-87then-86)
* Magic makes KFC and Michael Jackson joke in same sentence, uh oh (-89)
* Magic does what he does best, saves the speech and gets back to even (-88)
Rev. Al Sharpton – The man needs no introduction, in fact he usually doesn’t need an invitation.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Rev. comes out screaming, traders don’t like loud noises from posers (-89)
* Rev. continues to scream, traders have seen this act and are unimpressed (-90)
* Rev. mentions the other Rev (Jesse J.), traders are confused (-91)
* Rev. tries to start a single phrase chant, traders say “he’s no Dr. King” (-92)
John Mayer – Band nerd in High School that wants to scream “look at me now to all the jocks, but still a bit scared, so he got a tattoo, learned guitar and goes through Hollywood starlets like fingers through single ply.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,233 (-92 points)
* JM has it going on, traders can identify with the nerd in him (-91)
* JM is jamming, traders still thinking about Anniston and J. Simpson (-89)
* JM bust into bluesy solo, fingers so fast, traders finally identify with JM (-81)
Brooke Shields – She and MJ both shared in the pain of childhood stardom and post-partum.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,244 (-81 points)
* BS looked great, traders remembering Blue Lagoon (-79)
* BS showed first real emotion, traders hate to see pretty girls cry (-78)
* BS tells story of Elizabeth Taylor’s wedding, traders unsure which time (-80)
* BS says the name Blanket aloud, traders confused (-82)
Jermaine Jackson – Older brother of MJ, and looks like Max Headroom’s black counterpart.
Beginning – DJI 8,243 (-82 points)
* JJ grabs mic with one sequined glove, traders know it’s a gardening glove (-89)
* Traders no respect for any of the 4, of the 5, who couldn’t hack it (-92)
* JJ was wearing a blue tooth at on point, traders know it’s deactivated (-95)
MLK III and Sister – No introduction necessary for these two. Market dipped another -19 points as they were making their way to the stage, presumably still reeling from the Jermaine experience.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Not sure why, the Kings all seem like great people, but the traders were having none of it, I blame Sharpton for stealing their thunder. Market goes down (-118) but rebounds to break even at (-114) for their efforts.
Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee – (D-TX) House of Representatives, Houston Area!! Also the first vice-chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Apparently the traders didn’t like her using the memorial as a political stump and rewarded her with a large swing, down. (-125)
* Introducing a Bill into Congress declaring MJ to be recognized as a humanitarian and musical icon didn’t sit well with them either. (- 133)
* Referring to MJ as “The King”, obviously trying to stir the Elvis pot, didn’t bode well either. (-146)
Usher – The singer/dancer, many say this generations MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,179 (-146 points)
* Sheila’s damage was too much even for Usher to overcome; traders liked and rewarded his effort and raw emotion. (-135)
Old Clips of the Jackson 5.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Traders didn’t think much, confused on who the little black kid was. (-135)
Smokey Robinson – MJ’s hero and Motown’s first star. Might have same rare white turning skin disease as MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Smokey was cool, calm and funny, traders like that in an old black man (-131)
Shaheen Jafargholi – Britain’s Got Talent finalist, who MJ had asked to perform with him on this tour that was not to be. Sorry no warm milk Shaheen.
Beginning – DJI 8,194 (-131 points)
* Traders not sure if this was an old plaintiff or what. (-137)
* Kid had some pipes, and then was properly introduced, traders relieved. (-127)
Finale – We are the world and more family speeches.
Beginning – DJI 8,198 (-127 points)
* Traders nor viewers recognize a single person on stage singing, traders are pissed (-143)
* Still no-one knows who any of these imposters are, traders have had it (-145)
* But then, as if this wasn’t actually going to happen, all the performers, speakers and family spill onto the stage, traders pleased but possibly put out a bit (-137)
* Rev. J. Jackson and Rev. A. Sharpton shoulder to shoulder and Sharpton gets caught watching himself on TV and then decides to start waving his arms above his head. Traders back to pissed again. (-140)
* Lots of footage of MJ’s children singing, but singing a song that wasn’t “We are The World”, traders having mixed emotions. (-143)
* Jermaine gets the mic again and claims he was “MJ’s voice”, traders worn out by this attention whore. (-145)
* MJ’s daughter, Paris speaks in public for the first time and shows real emotion, traders and viewers appreciate that. (-140)
That’s a wrap; the Dow Jones Industrial Average was at 8,185 at the end of the Memorial. A 140 point loss (-140) during the broadcast. There are many hypotheses and summations that can be drawn from this data. Remember neither the numbers nor market lie. If we would listen, the market will always tell us what it wants/needs/demands. Below are some points of analysis that might make one turn a few lighter shades of brown.
- The market see’s no need in shutting down two LA freeways for a pop stars motorcade.
- The markets appreciates real talent old or new, see Smokey Robinson and Usher.
- The market wonders why a $25,000.00 coffin is necessary.
- The market worries about how the over $880,000.00 in pre-sold tickets for a concert, that obviously won’t be happening, is going to impact consumer spending.
- The market doesn’t take handouts, doesn’t need handouts, doesn’t like handouts and especially doesn’t like those that encourage/create/approve handouts see Rev. Sharpton and Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee.
- The market is over Brooke Shields, but the traders can’t get Blue Lagoon out of their minds.
- The market wanted 3 things, in no particular order, and got none:
1) Elizabeth Taylor
2) Bubbles
3) Justin Timberlake
Pretty sure only 2 of the 3 were possible, apparently Elizabeth has been accepted into an Ex-Hollywood Vixen Sanctuary in South Alabama, you can keep hot food on her plate for only $0.17 a day, but I digress.
Interpret the numbers as you may, this is just one opinion formed from the meticulously collected data, and again the market doesn’t lie, cheat or steal, but it seems to reward those that do!
Berry Gordy – Founder of Motown Records was when the experiment began.
At this point the DJI was down/off 88 points (-88) for the day from an opening number of 8,325. The larger the number in ( ) the lower the market is going. That makes our starting total 8,237. If you can’t follow that don’t worry, actually be afraid, very afraid. For your future isn’t bright.
Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson – Two Laker greats, one has it all, the other wants it all minus 1 thing.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Kobe reading from teleprompter at a funeral, traders aren’t impressed (-89)
* Magic takes over, traders think this guy is invincible, they’re right (-87then-86)
* Magic makes KFC and Michael Jackson joke in same sentence, uh oh (-89)
* Magic does what he does best, saves the speech and gets back to even (-88)
Rev. Al Sharpton – The man needs no introduction, in fact he usually doesn’t need an invitation.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Rev. comes out screaming, traders don’t like loud noises from posers (-89)
* Rev. continues to scream, traders have seen this act and are unimpressed (-90)
* Rev. mentions the other Rev (Jesse J.), traders are confused (-91)
* Rev. tries to start a single phrase chant, traders say “he’s no Dr. King” (-92)
John Mayer – Band nerd in High School that wants to scream “look at me now to all the jocks, but still a bit scared, so he got a tattoo, learned guitar and goes through Hollywood starlets like fingers through single ply.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,233 (-92 points)
* JM has it going on, traders can identify with the nerd in him (-91)
* JM is jamming, traders still thinking about Anniston and J. Simpson (-89)
* JM bust into bluesy solo, fingers so fast, traders finally identify with JM (-81)
Brooke Shields – She and MJ both shared in the pain of childhood stardom and post-partum.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,244 (-81 points)
* BS looked great, traders remembering Blue Lagoon (-79)
* BS showed first real emotion, traders hate to see pretty girls cry (-78)
* BS tells story of Elizabeth Taylor’s wedding, traders unsure which time (-80)
* BS says the name Blanket aloud, traders confused (-82)
Jermaine Jackson – Older brother of MJ, and looks like Max Headroom’s black counterpart.
Beginning – DJI 8,243 (-82 points)
* JJ grabs mic with one sequined glove, traders know it’s a gardening glove (-89)
* Traders no respect for any of the 4, of the 5, who couldn’t hack it (-92)
* JJ was wearing a blue tooth at on point, traders know it’s deactivated (-95)
MLK III and Sister – No introduction necessary for these two. Market dipped another -19 points as they were making their way to the stage, presumably still reeling from the Jermaine experience.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Not sure why, the Kings all seem like great people, but the traders were having none of it, I blame Sharpton for stealing their thunder. Market goes down (-118) but rebounds to break even at (-114) for their efforts.
Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee – (D-TX) House of Representatives, Houston Area!! Also the first vice-chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Apparently the traders didn’t like her using the memorial as a political stump and rewarded her with a large swing, down. (-125)
* Introducing a Bill into Congress declaring MJ to be recognized as a humanitarian and musical icon didn’t sit well with them either. (- 133)
* Referring to MJ as “The King”, obviously trying to stir the Elvis pot, didn’t bode well either. (-146)
Usher – The singer/dancer, many say this generations MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,179 (-146 points)
* Sheila’s damage was too much even for Usher to overcome; traders liked and rewarded his effort and raw emotion. (-135)
Old Clips of the Jackson 5.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Traders didn’t think much, confused on who the little black kid was. (-135)
Smokey Robinson – MJ’s hero and Motown’s first star. Might have same rare white turning skin disease as MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Smokey was cool, calm and funny, traders like that in an old black man (-131)
Shaheen Jafargholi – Britain’s Got Talent finalist, who MJ had asked to perform with him on this tour that was not to be. Sorry no warm milk Shaheen.
Beginning – DJI 8,194 (-131 points)
* Traders not sure if this was an old plaintiff or what. (-137)
* Kid had some pipes, and then was properly introduced, traders relieved. (-127)
Finale – We are the world and more family speeches.
Beginning – DJI 8,198 (-127 points)
* Traders nor viewers recognize a single person on stage singing, traders are pissed (-143)
* Still no-one knows who any of these imposters are, traders have had it (-145)
* But then, as if this wasn’t actually going to happen, all the performers, speakers and family spill onto the stage, traders pleased but possibly put out a bit (-137)
* Rev. J. Jackson and Rev. A. Sharpton shoulder to shoulder and Sharpton gets caught watching himself on TV and then decides to start waving his arms above his head. Traders back to pissed again. (-140)
* Lots of footage of MJ’s children singing, but singing a song that wasn’t “We are The World”, traders having mixed emotions. (-143)
* Jermaine gets the mic again and claims he was “MJ’s voice”, traders worn out by this attention whore. (-145)
* MJ’s daughter, Paris speaks in public for the first time and shows real emotion, traders and viewers appreciate that. (-140)
That’s a wrap; the Dow Jones Industrial Average was at 8,185 at the end of the Memorial. A 140 point loss (-140) during the broadcast. There are many hypotheses and summations that can be drawn from this data. Remember neither the numbers nor market lie. If we would listen, the market will always tell us what it wants/needs/demands. Below are some points of analysis that might make one turn a few lighter shades of brown.
- The market see’s no need in shutting down two LA freeways for a pop stars motorcade.
- The markets appreciates real talent old or new, see Smokey Robinson and Usher.
- The market wonders why a $25,000.00 coffin is necessary.
- The market worries about how the over $880,000.00 in pre-sold tickets for a concert, that obviously won’t be happening, is going to impact consumer spending.
- The market doesn’t take handouts, doesn’t need handouts, doesn’t like handouts and especially doesn’t like those that encourage/create/approve handouts see Rev. Sharpton and Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee.
- The market is over Brooke Shields, but the traders can’t get Blue Lagoon out of their minds.
- The market wanted 3 things, in no particular order, and got none:
1) Elizabeth Taylor
2) Bubbles
3) Justin Timberlake
Pretty sure only 2 of the 3 were possible, apparently Elizabeth has been accepted into an Ex-Hollywood Vixen Sanctuary in South Alabama, you can keep hot food on her plate for only $0.17 a day, but I digress.
Interpret the numbers as you may, this is just one opinion formed from the meticulously collected data, and again the market doesn’t lie, cheat or steal, but it seems to reward those that do!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Big XII Football Preview - the good the bad and Iowa State.
North:
Kansas – If they can just survive two-a-days, you can’t dangle that much muscle and meat in front of Mangino before he snaps and fulfills his internet prophecy. I think one practice a day would be safer, especially for the linemen, all that marbling they got going on. Reality is in a weak north, with a returning starter at QB in Todd Reesing who is 20-6 in his career; KU should be the favorite to represent the north in the Big XII title game.
Kansas State – The Wildcats in a move that some consider odd, have enticed Bill Snyder away from The Villages, you know Florida’s friendliest hometown, to give the coaching thing another shot. Not to say it’s a bad idea, he did lie, cheat and steal that program into 10-12 years of relevance, but he had some good assistants that time around. Guys like Bob Stoops, Mike Stoops, Jim Leavitt, Brett Bielema and Mark Mangino. So that’s were big game Bob learned his evil ways. Reality is the Manhattan Kansas Luby’s just picked up two more regulars in the Snyders, and the only big replacement on the team is QB Josh Freeman. As of print time Carson Coffman was penciled in to replace the NFL bound Freeman. And we all know if Coffman doesn’t work out, the Texas High School for the Slow *but athletic probably has some no name QB on the raise, I say no name, b/c he can’t remember his name either.
Iowa State – Lot’s of change in Ames over the past 12 months. The head coach, that used to be the DC at Auburn, returns to Auburn to be head coach and is replaced by the most recently let go DC from Auburn. Summary: Auburns defense is a bastard and Saban has them very scared. Reality is Iowa State has a powerhouse wrestling team year in and year out. Oh and the nation’s longest road losing streak, 17 games. Please don’t break that on Halloween in College Station.
Missouri – Chase Daniel and his buggers have left town, unfortunately we won’t be able to sit down for a Mizzou game anymore and watch 3 quarters of the Daniel family in the stands. Reality is Daniel, Jeremy Maclin and a host of others have departed Columbia, leaving some big holes to fill for Gary Pinkel and crew with only 9 returning starters. Pinkel did shore up a multi-year multi-million dollar deal based off the success of the stubby legged Chase Daniel, do you think he’ll share any of that when the undrafted Daniel gets cut by the Redskins and goes back to Southlake working at Edward Jones?
Nebraska – I was really hoping Neb would jump on board with K-State and bring Osborne back to the sidelines, but Tom’s not dumb he knows Tommie Frazier ain’t walking through that door anytime soon, plus he’s a congressman, so basically he’s getting paid to be retired, boy that must be nice. Thanks baby boomers, thanks for nothing. Reality is it’s year two of the Bo Pellini era, he has done what was expected in tightening up the defense, the blackshirts aren’t completely back, but they are a far cry from the pink popped collar Polo shirts they were the several years before his arrival.
Colorado – Memo to Buff fans the Football season is about 2 months away. And then you get about two months of it before the lifts open. Now I know some of you are hardcore and don’t need no stinking lifts, and will skin up the back country early, but for the rest of you transplants that thought Boulder would be a totally rad place to live in and go to college in, at least show up to games, you’ve got one of the greatest stadiums in the country, an exciting young RB, a coach that loves to yell (especially at his shot put throwing QB son) and it’s always cold so bringing in booze in the parka shouldn’t ever be a problem. Leave the lasers at home and try not to have an entire section ejected this year, that wasn’t cool it was embarrassing. Reality is that Darrell Scott is a great young RB, and finally this year the O-line is healthy going into two-a-days.
South:
Oklahoma State – T. Boone Pickens stadium is complete and is a real piece of eye candy. Problem is Pickens Plan didn’t really catch on as expected. The wind farm in the Texas Panhandle is still on paper and in dreams. Rumors circulated that his $165 million dollar donation was tied directly to his hedge fund which was tied to the wind farm, and we all know how that probably worked out. So when Boone Pickens Stadium looks half full every other Saturday it might be because half of the seats are PVC and card board facades. And like good soldiers the OSU administration will publically call out Poke fans for not filling the new stadium, all in an effort to save face with Oklahoma A&M’s only famous and successful alumnus. Reality is expectations have never been higher for coach Stalagmite and all the returning playmakers he lied too. If Zac Robinson has healed from the beat down he took from Oregon in the Holiday Bowl, he should have a good year throwing to phenom and Texas A&M lock Dez Bryant.
Oklahoma – If it’s true that certain parts of the body continue to grow as men get older, ears, nose etc. then Bob Stoops huevos are about the size of cantaloupes heading into the ’09 season. Problem is his confidence and successes in big games are conversely the size of corn kernels. With the sting of the very hard and mean slap on the wrist from the NCAA, over the Rhett Bomar being blatantly paid by boosters, now completely over with, the Sooners can put the past behind them and begin learning to defend every trick play ever scratched in the dirt of every sandlot/trailer park in Oklahoma. Reality is Stoops got a stroke of good peyote mumbo jumbo from the medicine man when his Heisman Trophy winning QB decided to pass up $15 million guaranteed in the draft and return to OU. Bradford returns along with a host of other NFL caliber talent to field what will once again be a team that has BCS championship aspirations. That second weekend in Oct. in Dallas will tell the tale as far as the south goes. Sounds like a great weekend to get married in Houston!
Baylor – I hear they use real flakes of fools’ gold in the paint for the BU helmets. Some Baylor Line girl told me that when I complemented her turtle neck under her jersey at a game last August. We spent the second half talking about dancing and other perverse topics, including BU’s football legacy. Art Briles has done a heck of a job in Waco; they haven’t pulled in talent like this to Waco since Dave K. opened that summer camp out in the Waco country side a few years back. What a loyal group that was, sticking with their commitments, those kinds are hard to find these days and an even harder kind to get to leave their camp cabins. Reality is Briles has one of the Big XII’s best young talents in Robert Griffin on campus; he personally accounted for most of their wins last year and kept them competitive when they should not have been. Are Baptist allowed to bowl?
Texas Tech – Questions abound in Lubbock heading into 2009, unfortunately most of the people there aren’t good at answering questions. How to replace a two year douche and Arena Football bound Graham Harrell or college great, NFL mediocre Michael Crabtree. One thing is for certain, there will be 5-6 little white guys doing the 5 man weave up and down the field on every offensive play again this year. What “system QB” will Capt. Vince Gill double chin plug in this year is anyone’s guess, that’ what they do best in Lubbock, just guess. Reality is the Red Raiders are coming off of the best season in the history of that program and they were rewarded with a 3-way share of the divisional conference championship (T-shirts were made) and a once in a lifetime, eye opening, dreams coming true, trip to Dallas to play in the Cotton Bowl. Where they were embarrassed by a middle of the road SEC team. New QB, team’s hangover from what could have been last year, coaches daily hangovers, it could be more than the techsters are able to handle. Still put money on them holding serve against the Aggies on the high plains this year. It is their superbowl.
Texas – In Austin they don’t re-build, they re-load. Why build a new bong when the old one works just fine. Just re-load it. Regardless of off the field issues, Sergio Kindle once again proving that he is a threat to QB’s, pedestrians and highly visible permanent structures, or Jordan Shipley’s 6th year of eligibility, so he and Colt can hit their favorite bass fishing honey hole for one last Fall, or the presence of another McCoy on the Texas sideline, don’t look to long you might go ugly. Reality is the Horns are loaded with talent and have a gutsy QB to lead the way. If they can establish a running game early in the year and not allow teams to completely focus on Colt it could pay big dividends as the season progresses. Look for the Red River pie eating contest to determine if the BCS is in their season’s future. Actually since that game was just for practice last year, look to see if Blake Gideon has been learning to catch the football this year versus last year (1:50 mark).
Texas A&M – Somewhere today in Texas, Dennis Franchione just had large direct deposit go into his bank account, courtesy of TAMU, for services not rendered. And somewhere last fall, the Arkansas State Red Wolves made a nice deposit as well, courtesy of TAMU, for coming to College Station and allowing the Aggies to beat up on them in front of a sold out Kyle Field, well not exactly. Reality is Sherman and his staff are standing at the bottom of Mt. Everest trying to figure out how to get Sherman onto his lama, while all the neighbors (Texas, OU, LSU) are shot-gunning beers and grilling brats at the summit. The talent is improving, the Ags have some of the best skill position players right now that they have had in a while, and all are young. If Sherman and his Eggies (:55 mark) can continue to improve defensive speed, recruit, coach-up and keep healthy above average offensive linemen, the Aggies could start to see positive improvements as soon as this year, once they get through the gauntlet of non-conference foes like New Mexico, Utah State and UAB. Fingers crossed Ags.
Kansas – If they can just survive two-a-days, you can’t dangle that much muscle and meat in front of Mangino before he snaps and fulfills his internet prophecy. I think one practice a day would be safer, especially for the linemen, all that marbling they got going on. Reality is in a weak north, with a returning starter at QB in Todd Reesing who is 20-6 in his career; KU should be the favorite to represent the north in the Big XII title game.
Kansas State – The Wildcats in a move that some consider odd, have enticed Bill Snyder away from The Villages, you know Florida’s friendliest hometown, to give the coaching thing another shot. Not to say it’s a bad idea, he did lie, cheat and steal that program into 10-12 years of relevance, but he had some good assistants that time around. Guys like Bob Stoops, Mike Stoops, Jim Leavitt, Brett Bielema and Mark Mangino. So that’s were big game Bob learned his evil ways. Reality is the Manhattan Kansas Luby’s just picked up two more regulars in the Snyders, and the only big replacement on the team is QB Josh Freeman. As of print time Carson Coffman was penciled in to replace the NFL bound Freeman. And we all know if Coffman doesn’t work out, the Texas High School for the Slow *but athletic probably has some no name QB on the raise, I say no name, b/c he can’t remember his name either.
Iowa State – Lot’s of change in Ames over the past 12 months. The head coach, that used to be the DC at Auburn, returns to Auburn to be head coach and is replaced by the most recently let go DC from Auburn. Summary: Auburns defense is a bastard and Saban has them very scared. Reality is Iowa State has a powerhouse wrestling team year in and year out. Oh and the nation’s longest road losing streak, 17 games. Please don’t break that on Halloween in College Station.
Missouri – Chase Daniel and his buggers have left town, unfortunately we won’t be able to sit down for a Mizzou game anymore and watch 3 quarters of the Daniel family in the stands. Reality is Daniel, Jeremy Maclin and a host of others have departed Columbia, leaving some big holes to fill for Gary Pinkel and crew with only 9 returning starters. Pinkel did shore up a multi-year multi-million dollar deal based off the success of the stubby legged Chase Daniel, do you think he’ll share any of that when the undrafted Daniel gets cut by the Redskins and goes back to Southlake working at Edward Jones?
Nebraska – I was really hoping Neb would jump on board with K-State and bring Osborne back to the sidelines, but Tom’s not dumb he knows Tommie Frazier ain’t walking through that door anytime soon, plus he’s a congressman, so basically he’s getting paid to be retired, boy that must be nice. Thanks baby boomers, thanks for nothing. Reality is it’s year two of the Bo Pellini era, he has done what was expected in tightening up the defense, the blackshirts aren’t completely back, but they are a far cry from the pink popped collar Polo shirts they were the several years before his arrival.
Colorado – Memo to Buff fans the Football season is about 2 months away. And then you get about two months of it before the lifts open. Now I know some of you are hardcore and don’t need no stinking lifts, and will skin up the back country early, but for the rest of you transplants that thought Boulder would be a totally rad place to live in and go to college in, at least show up to games, you’ve got one of the greatest stadiums in the country, an exciting young RB, a coach that loves to yell (especially at his shot put throwing QB son) and it’s always cold so bringing in booze in the parka shouldn’t ever be a problem. Leave the lasers at home and try not to have an entire section ejected this year, that wasn’t cool it was embarrassing. Reality is that Darrell Scott is a great young RB, and finally this year the O-line is healthy going into two-a-days.
South:
Oklahoma State – T. Boone Pickens stadium is complete and is a real piece of eye candy. Problem is Pickens Plan didn’t really catch on as expected. The wind farm in the Texas Panhandle is still on paper and in dreams. Rumors circulated that his $165 million dollar donation was tied directly to his hedge fund which was tied to the wind farm, and we all know how that probably worked out. So when Boone Pickens Stadium looks half full every other Saturday it might be because half of the seats are PVC and card board facades. And like good soldiers the OSU administration will publically call out Poke fans for not filling the new stadium, all in an effort to save face with Oklahoma A&M’s only famous and successful alumnus. Reality is expectations have never been higher for coach Stalagmite and all the returning playmakers he lied too. If Zac Robinson has healed from the beat down he took from Oregon in the Holiday Bowl, he should have a good year throwing to phenom and Texas A&M lock Dez Bryant.
Oklahoma – If it’s true that certain parts of the body continue to grow as men get older, ears, nose etc. then Bob Stoops huevos are about the size of cantaloupes heading into the ’09 season. Problem is his confidence and successes in big games are conversely the size of corn kernels. With the sting of the very hard and mean slap on the wrist from the NCAA, over the Rhett Bomar being blatantly paid by boosters, now completely over with, the Sooners can put the past behind them and begin learning to defend every trick play ever scratched in the dirt of every sandlot/trailer park in Oklahoma. Reality is Stoops got a stroke of good peyote mumbo jumbo from the medicine man when his Heisman Trophy winning QB decided to pass up $15 million guaranteed in the draft and return to OU. Bradford returns along with a host of other NFL caliber talent to field what will once again be a team that has BCS championship aspirations. That second weekend in Oct. in Dallas will tell the tale as far as the south goes. Sounds like a great weekend to get married in Houston!
Baylor – I hear they use real flakes of fools’ gold in the paint for the BU helmets. Some Baylor Line girl told me that when I complemented her turtle neck under her jersey at a game last August. We spent the second half talking about dancing and other perverse topics, including BU’s football legacy. Art Briles has done a heck of a job in Waco; they haven’t pulled in talent like this to Waco since Dave K. opened that summer camp out in the Waco country side a few years back. What a loyal group that was, sticking with their commitments, those kinds are hard to find these days and an even harder kind to get to leave their camp cabins. Reality is Briles has one of the Big XII’s best young talents in Robert Griffin on campus; he personally accounted for most of their wins last year and kept them competitive when they should not have been. Are Baptist allowed to bowl?
Texas Tech – Questions abound in Lubbock heading into 2009, unfortunately most of the people there aren’t good at answering questions. How to replace a two year douche and Arena Football bound Graham Harrell or college great, NFL mediocre Michael Crabtree. One thing is for certain, there will be 5-6 little white guys doing the 5 man weave up and down the field on every offensive play again this year. What “system QB” will Capt. Vince Gill double chin plug in this year is anyone’s guess, that’ what they do best in Lubbock, just guess. Reality is the Red Raiders are coming off of the best season in the history of that program and they were rewarded with a 3-way share of the divisional conference championship (T-shirts were made) and a once in a lifetime, eye opening, dreams coming true, trip to Dallas to play in the Cotton Bowl. Where they were embarrassed by a middle of the road SEC team. New QB, team’s hangover from what could have been last year, coaches daily hangovers, it could be more than the techsters are able to handle. Still put money on them holding serve against the Aggies on the high plains this year. It is their superbowl.
Texas – In Austin they don’t re-build, they re-load. Why build a new bong when the old one works just fine. Just re-load it. Regardless of off the field issues, Sergio Kindle once again proving that he is a threat to QB’s, pedestrians and highly visible permanent structures, or Jordan Shipley’s 6th year of eligibility, so he and Colt can hit their favorite bass fishing honey hole for one last Fall, or the presence of another McCoy on the Texas sideline, don’t look to long you might go ugly. Reality is the Horns are loaded with talent and have a gutsy QB to lead the way. If they can establish a running game early in the year and not allow teams to completely focus on Colt it could pay big dividends as the season progresses. Look for the Red River pie eating contest to determine if the BCS is in their season’s future. Actually since that game was just for practice last year, look to see if Blake Gideon has been learning to catch the football this year versus last year (1:50 mark).
Texas A&M – Somewhere today in Texas, Dennis Franchione just had large direct deposit go into his bank account, courtesy of TAMU, for services not rendered. And somewhere last fall, the Arkansas State Red Wolves made a nice deposit as well, courtesy of TAMU, for coming to College Station and allowing the Aggies to beat up on them in front of a sold out Kyle Field, well not exactly. Reality is Sherman and his staff are standing at the bottom of Mt. Everest trying to figure out how to get Sherman onto his lama, while all the neighbors (Texas, OU, LSU) are shot-gunning beers and grilling brats at the summit. The talent is improving, the Ags have some of the best skill position players right now that they have had in a while, and all are young. If Sherman and his Eggies (:55 mark) can continue to improve defensive speed, recruit, coach-up and keep healthy above average offensive linemen, the Aggies could start to see positive improvements as soon as this year, once they get through the gauntlet of non-conference foes like New Mexico, Utah State and UAB. Fingers crossed Ags.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)