I recall reading recently that being an attorney for the University of Texas Football program was a “recession proof” job. Turns out that was no joke.
Sergio Kindle, linebacker for the Longhorns, pulled off his best grandma at the crowded farmers market, when he plowed his vehicle into an apartment building at about 2:30am. Unlike grandma, Kindle and crew quickly got out of the car and pushed it down the street to let it cool off over night. Apparently the car had had a few too many and they were just being good friends.
Sergio claims to have been texting when the accident occurred. The apartment complex estimates the damage to be around $8,700.00. So if Texas can collect $1 from the first 8700 fans to arrive too their seats at the whorns home opener this year, he should be able to pay this off at the start of the second half.
Kindle was also suspended for 3 games of the 2007 season for a DWI arrest. Serg, you obviously can’t drink and drive efficiently, now you prove that you can’t work a cell phone while driving. I think by deductive reasoning it’s fair to say you shouldn’t be behind the wheel when booze and booty calls are at hand. Let me guess you aren’t a strong swimmer either?
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Cap & Trade for idiots by idiots
Once again the politico’s in Washington are using their law school vocabulary in an effort to make a straight forward issue so confusing and coma inducing that the average American will develop a quick case of ADHD trying to read and follow what they are trying to push. They all, Dems and Rep. seem to get quite a kick out of assuming we are all idiots that could never think, interpret or analyze on their posh level. It reminds me of that old saying “those that can do, and those that can’t teach” well it’s no wonder why so many politicians are or were educators at some level. The latest, until tomorrow probably, in my humbled opinion is the Cap and Trade legislation that is being ram-roded through congress as I type. One Henry Waxman, D-California, most famously known for the charade he allowed and presided over during the Roger Clemens hearing, has co-sponsored the bill with Ed Markey, D-Massachusetts. Here is Wikipedia’s explanation of Cap & Trade and here is a WSJ article breaking it down to lowly undergrad level. If Madlibs would do a version the Texas Tech folks could get it. Hey Henry do you like apples?
The levee’s quick take on this Cap & Trade thing. The government wants to regulate (Cap) the amount of CO2 that companies can emit. And they will require them to buy permits allowing for set amounts of emission. That’s great and all; I am all for cutting down on pollution and regulating those Chernobyl looking plants that spew “smoke” 24/7. No one can honestly think that stuff isn’t having some negative effect. I mean have you ever met a looker from Pasadena Texas? Me neither, at least not since Mickey Gilley took a torch to his place, but I digress. The government then wants companies to buy and sell (Trade) their permits to or from each other as needed at a non-regulated price. Obviously Dow Chemical will emit more CO2, thus requiring more permits, than say Stan Da Man’s detailing shop in Shreveport, and they have plenty of emissions, just not CO2. So Stan can sell his permits to Dow at whatever price an ounce is going for that week. Dow, having to stay in production has to become a price taker and has little leverage to negotiate a fair price. And we all know how this ends; the costs will always get passed down to the consumer, all products and services will sky rocket. However it doesn’t stop there, companies could be forced to cut production which means cutting jobs or they will up and move to Bangladesh, so then your Polo’s and industrial lubricants are made side by side. Actually Hypercolor T-shirts might have been a by-product of this a few decades ago, but I digress. Either way it seems pretty obvious that this has peeing up-stream (bad idea) written all over it.
I don’t do forward email chains, and would appreciate all of you that do and happen to read this blog, yes I am talking to 1 person in particular, to please take me off your list, but this might not be a bad thing to call your local representative about. I am sure between luxurious trips with lobbyists and week long hikes with their mistress’s they would love to hear from you. Don’t forget they aren’t producing anything, sans the occasional bastard child, carrying out our will is their sworn duty.
The levee’s quick take on this Cap & Trade thing. The government wants to regulate (Cap) the amount of CO2 that companies can emit. And they will require them to buy permits allowing for set amounts of emission. That’s great and all; I am all for cutting down on pollution and regulating those Chernobyl looking plants that spew “smoke” 24/7. No one can honestly think that stuff isn’t having some negative effect. I mean have you ever met a looker from Pasadena Texas? Me neither, at least not since Mickey Gilley took a torch to his place, but I digress. The government then wants companies to buy and sell (Trade) their permits to or from each other as needed at a non-regulated price. Obviously Dow Chemical will emit more CO2, thus requiring more permits, than say Stan Da Man’s detailing shop in Shreveport, and they have plenty of emissions, just not CO2. So Stan can sell his permits to Dow at whatever price an ounce is going for that week. Dow, having to stay in production has to become a price taker and has little leverage to negotiate a fair price. And we all know how this ends; the costs will always get passed down to the consumer, all products and services will sky rocket. However it doesn’t stop there, companies could be forced to cut production which means cutting jobs or they will up and move to Bangladesh, so then your Polo’s and industrial lubricants are made side by side. Actually Hypercolor T-shirts might have been a by-product of this a few decades ago, but I digress. Either way it seems pretty obvious that this has peeing up-stream (bad idea) written all over it.
I don’t do forward email chains, and would appreciate all of you that do and happen to read this blog, yes I am talking to 1 person in particular, to please take me off your list, but this might not be a bad thing to call your local representative about. I am sure between luxurious trips with lobbyists and week long hikes with their mistress’s they would love to hear from you. Don’t forget they aren’t producing anything, sans the occasional bastard child, carrying out our will is their sworn duty.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I wish the delay in updating could be blamed on a potential levee break due to rising waters, but as we all know that free fuel from above called rain has been doing its best Stacey Peterson and staying well out of sight (This is not the opinion of The Levee, solely based on statements made by current incarcerated husband and all around complete ass hat Drew Peterson, tell hitler and saddam hello when you get down there you spineless puke). I digress. Unless of course you were trying to get in a few rounds at Beth Page Black this past weekend. I mean seriously, we already have to endure Tigers temper tantrums, Johnny Miller’s holier than thou commentary, idiot yanks yelling “get in the hole” after every drive on a par 5, but then we have to sit threw rain delay after rain delay, never knowing who was playing which round or which cheek Lucas Glover was hiding his chew in. Not until Bob Costas crawled down from Al Roker's lap did I realize it was over. Actually once Phil starting gagging on the finishing holes I realized the end must be near.
So when it’s raining cats and dogs, funny people like to say “it’s a good day to be a duck!” What about when the heat index is 105 and the nearest rain is on the west coast of Maui, what do those wise asses say then? “Good day to be a radiator repair man?” I say this as I stare at my Aquafina bottle sweating like a (something derogatory) doing (something that takes intelligence) and marvel at the fact that someone somewhere decided to take a free natural renewable resource package it in an environmental cancer and sell it for huge profits. From a capitalistic/entrepreneurial standpoint it’s pure brilliance, but I wonder how that poor natural spring in Arkansas is able to supply the demand. Me thinks at some former Nike manufacturing plant in Thailand the sewing and glue machines have been replaced by little water faucets and a boat load of Brita water filters. Regardless, I will continue to purchase the cheapest bottled water available at every gas station I stop in, mainly because I don’t like to be chastised in a foreign language for using the facilities without spending a dime.
I saw that Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple, is back on the job after a hiatus that turned out to be a health issue that ultimately required him to undergo a liver transplant. They said that in his absence Apple stock dipped as much as 11% at one point, with weary investors not sure of the company’s future without Jobs on the job, that was too easy. Anyway a few thoughts about the investors thought process from my perch atop the levee.
1) Do you see how many people have I Phones? Pretty sure that secret isn’t locked away with the original coca cola recipe.
2) How can a country so technologically superior, full of supremely educated people and investors with such deep pockets be mindlessly steered by the presence, or lack thereof, of one man? [Edit: 6/23: See most recent presidential election for answer.]
3) If Apple stocks were negatively affected by Job’s liver woes, then shouldn’t the converse effect have been seen on these stocks? ABI.BR, TAP, SAM ??? Buy buy buy!
Finally a few recession proof jobs for those that might have found themselves in a pinch under the current state of affairs.
- Manufacturers and retailers of anything that can be made in purple and gold with LSU printed somewhere on it.
- Apprentice criminal defense lawyer for the University of Texas athletic program.
- Crack dealer
- Any job with Welch’s Soda. Especially those in the grape division.
- Lower back and fraternity tattoo removal specialist.
So when it’s raining cats and dogs, funny people like to say “it’s a good day to be a duck!” What about when the heat index is 105 and the nearest rain is on the west coast of Maui, what do those wise asses say then? “Good day to be a radiator repair man?” I say this as I stare at my Aquafina bottle sweating like a (something derogatory) doing (something that takes intelligence) and marvel at the fact that someone somewhere decided to take a free natural renewable resource package it in an environmental cancer and sell it for huge profits. From a capitalistic/entrepreneurial standpoint it’s pure brilliance, but I wonder how that poor natural spring in Arkansas is able to supply the demand. Me thinks at some former Nike manufacturing plant in Thailand the sewing and glue machines have been replaced by little water faucets and a boat load of Brita water filters. Regardless, I will continue to purchase the cheapest bottled water available at every gas station I stop in, mainly because I don’t like to be chastised in a foreign language for using the facilities without spending a dime.
I saw that Steve Jobs, co-founder and CEO of Apple, is back on the job after a hiatus that turned out to be a health issue that ultimately required him to undergo a liver transplant. They said that in his absence Apple stock dipped as much as 11% at one point, with weary investors not sure of the company’s future without Jobs on the job, that was too easy. Anyway a few thoughts about the investors thought process from my perch atop the levee.
1) Do you see how many people have I Phones? Pretty sure that secret isn’t locked away with the original coca cola recipe.
2) How can a country so technologically superior, full of supremely educated people and investors with such deep pockets be mindlessly steered by the presence, or lack thereof, of one man? [Edit: 6/23: See most recent presidential election for answer.]
3) If Apple stocks were negatively affected by Job’s liver woes, then shouldn’t the converse effect have been seen on these stocks? ABI.BR, TAP, SAM ??? Buy buy buy!
Finally a few recession proof jobs for those that might have found themselves in a pinch under the current state of affairs.
- Manufacturers and retailers of anything that can be made in purple and gold with LSU printed somewhere on it.
- Apprentice criminal defense lawyer for the University of Texas athletic program.
- Crack dealer
- Any job with Welch’s Soda. Especially those in the grape division.
- Lower back and fraternity tattoo removal specialist.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
My kind of day on Padre...
It was with much anticipation and night-filled dreams of picking out back lashes that the Levee headed down south, “Down to Laguna Madre, cruising over the causeway…”, for some 3rd world living and 1st class fishing. But let’s start where most adventures start, in the shower. Thinking I was way ahead of schedule for my 1pm flight, I was applying the last good scrubbing I knew I had coming for the next 72 hours when I was summoned by the shake and squeal of my phone. Who on earth could be calling at 10am on a Thursday I thought. Hadn’t everyone set up the automated out of office replies and told their clients they “would be in spotty coverage areas” for the next few days? Well Southwest Airlines automated system apparently wasn’t mentally checked out yet, and decided to let me know that my flight had been canceled. And in the spirit of first class customer service asked if I would like to speak to a representative to make other arrangements?!? No, I think I will just blow off my fishing trip and head to Hotel Zsa Zsa and watch leather faced grandpa’s spend their waning 401K’s on young ladies that all seem to be working on their Master’s Degree’s. But I digress, so I did as instructed, pushed the #1 key on the phone and proceeded to figure out it was going to take an act of Barry O to get to Harlingen in time for my appointment and keep my well regimented crew on our planned schedule. So after a quick change it was off to Love Field to test my luck at the standby game. Having a few Mexican Nationals and their hefty cinch sack luggage in line in front of you is usually a bad sign. I was already thinking about what I was going to order at Chili’s and see how many El Presidente margaritas I could throw down until the much later flight, when like Barry O himself, a Southwest ticket agent appeared to make my southwestern eggroll and tequila dreams disappear like a new Huffy in West Shreveport. Turns out I was not only going to get on a different flight, but even better my Tex-Mex vacation was going to start an hour earlier. At this point I am at the gate, people watching, which outside of a good shoe shine and a Hudson News every 15 paces, is my most treasured airport pastime. I would not be disappointed, but how could I not have expected to be. I mean come on, flying from Dallas, stopping in Austin and terminating in Harlingen. Mix in some Lubbock trash and you’ve got all the makings for a proper Texas stew. You’ve got your Dallas its, that think the world gives a flying hippo about whatever happened to them 5 minutes ago, jabbering on their I Phones at levels that Chuck Yeager would find annoying. The suave business traveler hustling home to take Jr. to tee-ball and refresh his memory on what his wife looks like before he’s off again next week to close big deals, which we all know aren’t happening. But hey, those cuff links aren’t going to where themselves are they. And then there are those with the Valley as their permanent or weekend destination. These are the best, really they are, and did you know that 9 out 10 valley locals went to Texas University? Seriously, you have to be an alumnus to get that shirt, hat, and pompous ass entitled attitude package. And Vince Young is still the bestes ball thrower ever man. Poor Texas A&M Kingsville, how are the Javelinas ever going to build a solid fan base? Let’s fast forward; I will save you the pain I incurred of having a man of my demographic order a Bailey’s and coffee at 12:30pm, because the female he was trying to gab with had ordered the same thing. If it weren’t for their 6 kids combined, I bet mimicking her order would have surly sealed the deal.
It’s 11:00am Friday, we have successfully launched the boat, the trip is underway and apparently my “Out of office reply” is deterring no one. The fishing was good, we all remembered how to catch fish and turn a large cooler into a fish holder, food keeper colder and personal beer dispenser. Now balancing the boat taking into consideration the two arena league O-linemen I was on board with was more of a challenge. I mean heaven for bid we get wet after having just waded in 4ft of water for 6 hours. There was about 4 hours of not so much peril but frustration that faded to exhaustion and for me at least eventually hallucination. At one point I thought headlines were going to read “Three fishermen lost at Sea, all within a 6 iron of land in every direction.” We had taken the “shallow sport” a term obviously used loosely into some very “skinny” water with a not so “skinny” crew. Do the math and you see where this is headed. But with a true team effort, lots of pushing and some good old elbow grease, we were back up and running. The fishing tapered off a bit with an occasional lady tarpon, trout, hard head and clump of grass still bending our rods. The rest of the night was filled with good hearted ribbing, catching up and fantastically poor service at “The Donkey” in SPI. Now it was off to our smoking friendly hotel rooms for a guaranteed cold catching, wheezing, scratchy throat nights sleep. For tomorrow it mattered, the tournament was to start.
Up at 5:45am straight to the dock, to find that our fellow competitors had already headed out. No worries, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, right? Well for some of you there might be, but for us it was a slow day. You see a Sat. on any water way brings out every Dick and Tom with a boat and an understanding wife. Every spot that we had had any luck at or had heard about was stacked 4-5 deep with little pastel dots flinging their mass produced, lab engineered scent, Chinese manufactured lures, that by the way really resemble nothing from nature, into the water to try and allure the coveted trout and red fish. We gave our best and met very average results, but like a wise man once said, “that’s why the call it fishing not catching!” actually that was a crappy fishing guide that told me that once, far from a wise man. Our numbers however were much better with the cold beverages, although they can be quit slippery and squirt away when too much pressure is applied, I feel confident in saying bag limits were achieved by all.
As the trip was regrettably coming to an end, we got word from a very lively source that made it all make sense. For Friday night was a full moon in the South Texas area. Well that made all the sense in the world, that’s why Friday had been good and Saturday was a grind. Anyone worth their salt knows that fish can feed all night under a full moon, kind of like what happened to my roommate for the weekend, meaning that during the day they can retreat to their happy/protected areas and let us fools get excited every time the non-elusive grass fish taps our lines. So in light of the recent news we all picked our heads up, looked strangers in the eye again and put a little pep back in our steps as we canvassed the town that evening, for we were great fishermen, it was mother nature that screwed things up. Well, this confidence was quickly dashed when on Monday we find out that a guy in Corpus Christi had caught and landed what might be a state record trout, currently leading the statewide Star Tournament, he must have found the “happy/protective” place because this guy brought in a 10.7lb trout. For any bowlers that are reading this, that’s like bowling a 330! I know 300 is the max. The point is outside of soaking croakers, neither you nor I or anyone we have ever broken bread with will ever catch a trout this size.
All in all great trip, great company and great times were had. I thank those that made it happen and please share my gratitude with the numerous illiterate people that played a part as well
It’s 11:00am Friday, we have successfully launched the boat, the trip is underway and apparently my “Out of office reply” is deterring no one. The fishing was good, we all remembered how to catch fish and turn a large cooler into a fish holder, food keeper colder and personal beer dispenser. Now balancing the boat taking into consideration the two arena league O-linemen I was on board with was more of a challenge. I mean heaven for bid we get wet after having just waded in 4ft of water for 6 hours. There was about 4 hours of not so much peril but frustration that faded to exhaustion and for me at least eventually hallucination. At one point I thought headlines were going to read “Three fishermen lost at Sea, all within a 6 iron of land in every direction.” We had taken the “shallow sport” a term obviously used loosely into some very “skinny” water with a not so “skinny” crew. Do the math and you see where this is headed. But with a true team effort, lots of pushing and some good old elbow grease, we were back up and running. The fishing tapered off a bit with an occasional lady tarpon, trout, hard head and clump of grass still bending our rods. The rest of the night was filled with good hearted ribbing, catching up and fantastically poor service at “The Donkey” in SPI. Now it was off to our smoking friendly hotel rooms for a guaranteed cold catching, wheezing, scratchy throat nights sleep. For tomorrow it mattered, the tournament was to start.
Up at 5:45am straight to the dock, to find that our fellow competitors had already headed out. No worries, there’s plenty of fish in the sea, right? Well for some of you there might be, but for us it was a slow day. You see a Sat. on any water way brings out every Dick and Tom with a boat and an understanding wife. Every spot that we had had any luck at or had heard about was stacked 4-5 deep with little pastel dots flinging their mass produced, lab engineered scent, Chinese manufactured lures, that by the way really resemble nothing from nature, into the water to try and allure the coveted trout and red fish. We gave our best and met very average results, but like a wise man once said, “that’s why the call it fishing not catching!” actually that was a crappy fishing guide that told me that once, far from a wise man. Our numbers however were much better with the cold beverages, although they can be quit slippery and squirt away when too much pressure is applied, I feel confident in saying bag limits were achieved by all.
As the trip was regrettably coming to an end, we got word from a very lively source that made it all make sense. For Friday night was a full moon in the South Texas area. Well that made all the sense in the world, that’s why Friday had been good and Saturday was a grind. Anyone worth their salt knows that fish can feed all night under a full moon, kind of like what happened to my roommate for the weekend, meaning that during the day they can retreat to their happy/protected areas and let us fools get excited every time the non-elusive grass fish taps our lines. So in light of the recent news we all picked our heads up, looked strangers in the eye again and put a little pep back in our steps as we canvassed the town that evening, for we were great fishermen, it was mother nature that screwed things up. Well, this confidence was quickly dashed when on Monday we find out that a guy in Corpus Christi had caught and landed what might be a state record trout, currently leading the statewide Star Tournament, he must have found the “happy/protective” place because this guy brought in a 10.7lb trout. For any bowlers that are reading this, that’s like bowling a 330! I know 300 is the max. The point is outside of soaking croakers, neither you nor I or anyone we have ever broken bread with will ever catch a trout this size.
All in all great trip, great company and great times were had. I thank those that made it happen and please share my gratitude with the numerous illiterate people that played a part as well
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Country of origin please......not America
So it’s starting to look and feel a lot like summer time again. Not because the weather, the ever present sun or the aimless adolescents wandering the streets all day with 40 oz. red bulls in each hand, but because the annual Scripps National Spelling Bee has just concluded. Some say the Hotdog contest at Coney Island NJ over Memorial Day weekend is the kick-off to summer, some say the beginning of the college baseball post-season is, but I stand by it’s the gathering of every ethnicity in this country, outside of Caucasian, at the spelling bee that marks it for me. The Bee, where brown and brown is preferred is kind of the Anti-Miss America, where blonde and blue is. They air this on ESPN, you ought to see their relatives try and find this on the cable guide. The only chance an Anglo really has is if they have had the social misfortune of being home-schooled. Noting against home-schooling, I mean someone has to keep an eye on the moonshine still or play QB at Florida. The bee does remind us that our call centers will always be manned, Lord of The Rings will never not be popular and all smart kids really do where glasses and don’t own mirrors. Congratulations to Kavya Shivashankar this years Queen Bee. I guess bubbling in that name on enough scantrons, makes one proficient in linguistics and etymology.
North Korea is showing off their nuke capable bottle rockets again, and why not when your only consequence is a strong denouncement from the rest of the world. They aren’t allowed to look at pictures of their leader for fear of their eyes turning to stone, do you really think stern words from Hillary Clinton are going to scare them? Her threats have yet to scare Bill, an intern, a b-list actress or a former Arkansas State employee. There is a reason Hiroshima and Nagasaki don’t play cat and mouse games like this anymore.
Barry and Michelle O spent the weekend in New York, catching a play and having a date weekend. Not only is this guy the worlds biggest celebutard, but now’s he showing up all the rest of us by having a $24K date weekend during this recession!! Come on Barry, your breaking man-code here in a major way. How are DVR’ed Office re-runs, and venison steaks suppose to compete with this?
Congratulations to the Texas A&M Mens Golf Team, your 2009 National Champions. Quite a feat for the rag-tag bunch of Spaniards and red-necks stuck in College Station. Now if we can move some of the Meat Judging trophies to the left and the Equestrian trophies to the right we should have a bit of room in the National Championship Trophy case. So suck it Pepperdine, Ok State, Florida, Arkansas, Texas, every school in Arizona and all you other golf powerhouses, there is clearly a shift in power taking place.
North Korea is showing off their nuke capable bottle rockets again, and why not when your only consequence is a strong denouncement from the rest of the world. They aren’t allowed to look at pictures of their leader for fear of their eyes turning to stone, do you really think stern words from Hillary Clinton are going to scare them? Her threats have yet to scare Bill, an intern, a b-list actress or a former Arkansas State employee. There is a reason Hiroshima and Nagasaki don’t play cat and mouse games like this anymore.
Barry and Michelle O spent the weekend in New York, catching a play and having a date weekend. Not only is this guy the worlds biggest celebutard, but now’s he showing up all the rest of us by having a $24K date weekend during this recession!! Come on Barry, your breaking man-code here in a major way. How are DVR’ed Office re-runs, and venison steaks suppose to compete with this?
Congratulations to the Texas A&M Mens Golf Team, your 2009 National Champions. Quite a feat for the rag-tag bunch of Spaniards and red-necks stuck in College Station. Now if we can move some of the Meat Judging trophies to the left and the Equestrian trophies to the right we should have a bit of room in the National Championship Trophy case. So suck it Pepperdine, Ok State, Florida, Arkansas, Texas, every school in Arizona and all you other golf powerhouses, there is clearly a shift in power taking place.
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