- A person should not have to offer up and make a cup of coffee as a bribe for the maid, in hopes of having their office cleaned. It’s part of the house! The same house you are getting paid to clean!
- Did Comcast Cable Co. think that their customers wanted Spanish being the default language on the HD channels?
- Why do women feel it necessary to hide the spare toilet paper rolls when company is coming over? Do they not think that the guests appreciate the wonders of toilet paper and that possibly they implement it in their daily lives as well? And thus think it’s tacky to keep an abundance of the hygiene enhancing product readily available?
- What is so hard about turning of the Cable box and the TV?
- Deli turkey cold cuts always have an odor when you put your nose into the bag. So how are you to know when it has gone bad, the opaque gelatin that forms or the presence of a pinkish hue?
- Who would have thought that bottling and selling drinking water would become an enormously lucrative business? Clearly not Halsey-Taylor.
- Under absolutely no circumstances is parking in the front yard okay.
- If humans can allegedly over sleep and remain perpetually tired, why can’t dogs? Or do they and that in turn creates a viscous yet awesomely envious cycle.
- Why do most radio stations only gab during the morning commute? Wouldn’t carpooling have caught on a little better if people just wanted talk on their way to work?
- If towels in the guest bathroom are not to be used, don’t put them there.
- Has an airline flight ever been on time? Sure there have been plenty that have arrived early, but actually one that has arrived at the exact time that it claimed?
- Police officers should not be allowed to call and solicit donations over the phone; it is not easy telling a K-9 cop that you are not interested in supporting the police stations kennel renovations.
- The Chrysler 300 does not look like a Bentley. For a while there it might have gotten a second mistaken look, but no longer.
- Chrome doesn’t always dress something up. Like say the gas tank cover.
- Is leaving spoiled left-over’s in the refrigerator to “teach” the maid a lesson cruel or constructive?
- As a man, it is not okay to buy a jersey with another man’s name on it. Buy the team shirt.
- Just because you speak a different language than someone, doesn’t mean that increasing the decibels will make the translation any easier.
- Not every meal has to be super-sized.
- Why would anyone intentionally lower a car/truck? Because those speed bumps, road humps, ramps, driveway curbs, etc. are so enjoyable at factory height?
- If recycling were lucrative or even a break even enterprise, those that do it constantly would be off of their bikes by now.
- The T.S.A has greatly marginalized the “Men in uniform” premise.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
BP = Beyond Phrustrating or Bad Pipe or Better Pumpers or Bad Pluggers….
First and foremost, to the 11 that accepted the challenge to tackle a mighty task on the Earth’s true final frontier and paid with the ultimate price, The Levee offers both the utmost gratitude for your works along with the sincerest condolences to your family, friends and loved ones. Your sacrifice, while unnecessary and unthinkable, exudes pride and selflessness. The words below are solely directed towards those that appear to be very detached from the platforms you called your office.
So let us make sure we are all on the same page here. 52 miles out in the Gulf of Mexico, 1 mile down to the ocean floor and rig head, potentially an additional 30,000 ft into the Earth’s core, an estimated daily operating cost of one million dollars/per day (daily contract(~$490,000) + variable operating costs), 126 on site full time workers, a sophisticated anchorless floating Wal Mart that was able to remain within 2 ft. of its desired location via GPS and automated thrusters in the roughest of seas, still reading….and the best these trillionaires can come up with to stop the leak is by overwhelming and plugging the holes with golf balls, shredded tires and mud?!?!?!?!?!? This is more mind boggling than zip lock thinking one seal was enough when two is clearly better, think breasts, two is always better. Can’t you just see Titleist, Bridgestone, Srixon, Pinnacle and Top Flite clamoring to be the ball that saved Louisiana’s Wetlands? Certainly sales would go up a mighty 1/2% in that golf crazy part of the world. The Levee is casting a vote for Pinnacle to be the ball of hope and savior; those seem to be naturally drawn to the water, but we digress. Back to the unbelievable reality, they are trying to tell us that with all the top shelf engineers, geologists and drilling experts at their disposal, this is the best BP can concoct? Staring down unfathomable depths and overcoming unimaginable natural hurdles, you have the technology to siphon fossil fuels out of Mother Nature’s spleen at will, but to plug some leaks in a riser pipe your best idea is some Pro V 1’s and Grandma’s Goodyear white walls? What were Cuba Gooding Jr. and Bob De Niro not available? If it weren’t for the tragic loose of life, the thousands whose lively hoods are being halted and possibly derailed long term, and selfishly speaking, the toll this is going to have at the pumps this summer, this is almost laughable from a WTF perspective. Seriously, there is a catfish skinning contest this weekend in Etoile, TX, hang around long enough and you will get a bucket full of ideas far better than anything that these titans of industry have rolled out, PUN intended.
Unfortunately in today’s political/economical climate disasters of any kind are quickly transitioned into an opportunity for any number of agenda pushers. It’s a chance to move the personal meter while blatantly putting the truth and warranted compassion on the back burner. Here is an article from the supposed eye of the storm, notice how the agenda drivers literally end up victimizing the victims while feeding the miss-informed and in turn actually fashion a second catastrophe on their own. Are there going to be serious economical, environmental, political, social, emotional and mental repercussions from this? Sure, but let us not be so brazen as to think that we are that important and furthermore, that supreme. If lucky we will get 85 years to enjoy and/or pillage this planet, conversely this ocean, its inhabitants, the coast lines, beaches and marshes have been around since perhaps a big boom, Devine Creation or whatever Tom Cruise now claims. It will survive, heal and thrive again. Homo sapiens are the only collective group dense enough to see trouble and not alter their course; do you think a school of yellow fin tuna are going to errantly swim into a geyser of crude? Or a 1,200lb Marlin is going to mistake a tar ball for a bait ball? (* Note - For the sake of this piece, ignore the fact that they will inhale a plastic bullet head trailing two hooks hidden by a hot pink and neon green skirt 30 feet behind two roaring diesel engines. That doesn’t mean they are stupid, it only means they are lonely at that moment.) These species approach each day knowing they have to be smarter, faster and stronger than everything else in their world or they die. These things are perfect machines that just happen to taste damn good and far less than often do they actually get had by a lucky one of us. Perhaps some turtles might not be so fortunate, but one can only imagine in the reptilian world going down as a black gold martyr must be held in much higher regard than ending up on some goat ropers boots, or even worse perishing anonymously in Bubba’s TED-less shrimp nets. Here’s an idea BP, pull your collective heads out of your backsides and go stick them in the holes!
* If Mobile Bay and/or the Florida panhandle are in any way adversely affected by this during the first week in June, The Levee requests the address to BP’s law suit submittal office.
So let us make sure we are all on the same page here. 52 miles out in the Gulf of Mexico, 1 mile down to the ocean floor and rig head, potentially an additional 30,000 ft into the Earth’s core, an estimated daily operating cost of one million dollars/per day (daily contract(~$490,000) + variable operating costs), 126 on site full time workers, a sophisticated anchorless floating Wal Mart that was able to remain within 2 ft. of its desired location via GPS and automated thrusters in the roughest of seas, still reading….and the best these trillionaires can come up with to stop the leak is by overwhelming and plugging the holes with golf balls, shredded tires and mud?!?!?!?!?!? This is more mind boggling than zip lock thinking one seal was enough when two is clearly better, think breasts, two is always better. Can’t you just see Titleist, Bridgestone, Srixon, Pinnacle and Top Flite clamoring to be the ball that saved Louisiana’s Wetlands? Certainly sales would go up a mighty 1/2% in that golf crazy part of the world. The Levee is casting a vote for Pinnacle to be the ball of hope and savior; those seem to be naturally drawn to the water, but we digress. Back to the unbelievable reality, they are trying to tell us that with all the top shelf engineers, geologists and drilling experts at their disposal, this is the best BP can concoct? Staring down unfathomable depths and overcoming unimaginable natural hurdles, you have the technology to siphon fossil fuels out of Mother Nature’s spleen at will, but to plug some leaks in a riser pipe your best idea is some Pro V 1’s and Grandma’s Goodyear white walls? What were Cuba Gooding Jr. and Bob De Niro not available? If it weren’t for the tragic loose of life, the thousands whose lively hoods are being halted and possibly derailed long term, and selfishly speaking, the toll this is going to have at the pumps this summer, this is almost laughable from a WTF perspective. Seriously, there is a catfish skinning contest this weekend in Etoile, TX, hang around long enough and you will get a bucket full of ideas far better than anything that these titans of industry have rolled out, PUN intended.
Unfortunately in today’s political/economical climate disasters of any kind are quickly transitioned into an opportunity for any number of agenda pushers. It’s a chance to move the personal meter while blatantly putting the truth and warranted compassion on the back burner. Here is an article from the supposed eye of the storm, notice how the agenda drivers literally end up victimizing the victims while feeding the miss-informed and in turn actually fashion a second catastrophe on their own. Are there going to be serious economical, environmental, political, social, emotional and mental repercussions from this? Sure, but let us not be so brazen as to think that we are that important and furthermore, that supreme. If lucky we will get 85 years to enjoy and/or pillage this planet, conversely this ocean, its inhabitants, the coast lines, beaches and marshes have been around since perhaps a big boom, Devine Creation or whatever Tom Cruise now claims. It will survive, heal and thrive again. Homo sapiens are the only collective group dense enough to see trouble and not alter their course; do you think a school of yellow fin tuna are going to errantly swim into a geyser of crude? Or a 1,200lb Marlin is going to mistake a tar ball for a bait ball? (* Note - For the sake of this piece, ignore the fact that they will inhale a plastic bullet head trailing two hooks hidden by a hot pink and neon green skirt 30 feet behind two roaring diesel engines. That doesn’t mean they are stupid, it only means they are lonely at that moment.) These species approach each day knowing they have to be smarter, faster and stronger than everything else in their world or they die. These things are perfect machines that just happen to taste damn good and far less than often do they actually get had by a lucky one of us. Perhaps some turtles might not be so fortunate, but one can only imagine in the reptilian world going down as a black gold martyr must be held in much higher regard than ending up on some goat ropers boots, or even worse perishing anonymously in Bubba’s TED-less shrimp nets. Here’s an idea BP, pull your collective heads out of your backsides and go stick them in the holes!
* If Mobile Bay and/or the Florida panhandle are in any way adversely affected by this during the first week in June, The Levee requests the address to BP’s law suit submittal office.
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