What a past couple of days, where to start, what to hit on and which tales to tell. Let’s tackle the NFL draft first; the best part of the draft is that when it starts, that means we are that much closer to it being over. And not having to hear about it from every sportscaster, columnist, college flunky or plumber for another 364 days. I guess it’s the one/two days a year that the meter reader gets to think he’s Jerry Jones and act like the balance of the free world hangs on his decision of which 21 year old to turn into an instant lotto winner. So Mathew Stafford gets a guaranteed $41+ million dollar deal, two days before the draft, and they complain that the rich always get richer. Don’t get me wrong I harbor nothing but admiration for Matt (he’s not 12, Mathew is what you call your portly son who may or may not pan out) he’s made it. I admire a guy that started “seeing” a sorority girl at Georgia while still in high school and decided to play his college football between the hedges. Let’s hope ol Katy Kappa didn’t balloon and ended up staying for 5 years with Matt, to reap what she (her father, uncle and grandpappy) sowed. She’s probably earned her share of that “guaranteed money.” Actually even with the freshman, sophomore, junior and two senior 15's, she’ll look better than anything he sees in Detroit.
Mike Leach – Somehow this guy managed to bitch and moan his way into another conversation that would have been just fine without him. I guess knowing your Pepperdine Law degree got you a lifetime in Lubbock would have those kinds of psychotic effects. Good thing because the world always needs complete tools, meaning Graham Harrell will always have a job.
So Barry O and Co. decided to fly Air Force One and two fighter jets over NYC, smooth move. Apparently it was for a photo opp. Well somewhere tonight Ansel Adams IS NOT flipping in his grave because I’m willing to bet that NYFD Ladder Co. #32 won’t have that print hanging in their firehouse. I know you’re just a puppet, but come on even Bill Clinton knew to only sleep with ugly chicks.
With the good rain and some smart fertilizing, the Celebrity and Brandywine Tomatoes are taking off. I bet they have put on 6-8 inches of growth in the past week. The peppers are starting to bud; the real test will come keeping the squirrels and Jays out of them. The pistol BB gun that lobs bb’s at about 30 ft/second has not exactly deterred them. I have heard that fox urine sprinkled around the base of the plant will. I just happen to be fresh out.
It seems as a country we are reverting back to the ways of imperialism and isolationism. Many thought the Barry O would bring us all together, but it seems his reign is creating serious lines of division. It’s been a long time since there were this many people that held so much animosity towards the leader, those that follow and those that oppose. America was founded on the ideals that with hard work, a few breaks and a sound economical environment, anyone could succeed. In 100 days the socialist Democratic Party has done everything in their power to thwart that thought. I still believe in capitalism and survival of the fittest, even though if my life depended on eating fish I would be malnourished, I still think those virtues hold true. We shall see…..
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Round 2:
It has been one week since the debacle that was trying to get the house cleaned. I must admit there were about 10 minutes of uneasiness this morning when Patty G arrived and my darling wife had not. If you'll remember this is where we got derailed last week. To say the silence was uncomfortable would be an understatement. I fidgeted and awkwardly said "just get started doing everything you forgot to last week, and my wife should be here by then" and quickly retreated to the comfort and safety of my office. For 10 minutes I heard nothing, no sweeping noise, no water running, no doors opening and buses speeding off and then the wife arrived and I think both Patty G and I released collective sighs of relief. I tried to eves drop on their conversation, in case I ever find myself having to negotiate with a helper again, but they speak in some kind of, female I should be doing this work myself but would rather pay you and she understands, code that as a man I will never get. However 3 minutes 47 seconds later Patty G is whipping this place into shape, my darling wife has gone back to work and all I've done is written a check and typed this paragraph. What a wonderful world we live in.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Yards mowed, fish in the Red River are safe...
...and it's about time to throw the steaks on. Put the 29-0-5 fertilizer on the lawn Tuesday, have been watering a lot and raised the mower blade one notch, to encourage growth. The key is to water, so that the fertilizer doesn't burn your lawn, but not too much. To much water establishes a weak root system, because the roots don't have to "travel" as far to find their water source. A good dampening in the AM will provide adequate water, but also burn off as the day progresses. Therefore forcing the roots to burrow deeper and ultimately developing a strong long lasting root foundation.
As for the steaks, we are grilling fillets fresh from Sam's, yep that's right, Sam's. They have in my opinion the best meat selection outside of a true butcher shop going. Blows Kroger, Randal's, Brokshire Bros., Target etc. out of the water. I will be using the "restaurant method" often talked about but seldom tried. It tends to render a very tasty steak. Remember to under cook your steak if nothing else, it will continue to cook while resting off of direct heat. I learned that while I was apprenticing as the worlds oldest bus boy at Outback in College Station. Apparently the GM didn't think I would interact well with customers, so he decided to let me begin my duties promptly upon their departure.
The large mouth bass in the Red River will sleep safe again tonight. After many attempt to lure them to bite my lead laden, plastic, hyper color craw fish, I conceded and vowed to return with a vengeance another time. I did hook a large female the other day and with my mind still in the saltwater, trout and red fish mode, I "horsed" her too much and as she rolled revealing the biggest whitest belly you ever saw, broke me off, 12lb Stren line split like a strand of dental floss being pulled through my bicuspids. I went Mike Iaconelli and yelled and screamed to no avail. At least she'll have to feel the shame of having a black/watermelon with chartreuse tipped craw fish hanging from her lip when she goes back to mingle with the other black bass. The lack of boat, the plentiful snakes, and sunning alligators within casting range make wading a bit of a quagmire. After watching the pros at the Bass Master Classic fish this very spot, I thought it was just a matter of putting a line in the water. I guess that's why those guys have terminal sun glass tans and a lifetime supply of Pemmican beef jerky and Stren fishing line. What a great way to live. But I must admit, bass isn't the most tasty, I think if I were fishing for a living I might have one catfish rig on the boat just to make sure I bring home some bounty, if the coveted Missouri Land O Lakes Bass Invitational trophy doesn't finds it's way to my mantle.
As for the steaks, we are grilling fillets fresh from Sam's, yep that's right, Sam's. They have in my opinion the best meat selection outside of a true butcher shop going. Blows Kroger, Randal's, Brokshire Bros., Target etc. out of the water. I will be using the "restaurant method" often talked about but seldom tried. It tends to render a very tasty steak. Remember to under cook your steak if nothing else, it will continue to cook while resting off of direct heat. I learned that while I was apprenticing as the worlds oldest bus boy at Outback in College Station. Apparently the GM didn't think I would interact well with customers, so he decided to let me begin my duties promptly upon their departure.
The large mouth bass in the Red River will sleep safe again tonight. After many attempt to lure them to bite my lead laden, plastic, hyper color craw fish, I conceded and vowed to return with a vengeance another time. I did hook a large female the other day and with my mind still in the saltwater, trout and red fish mode, I "horsed" her too much and as she rolled revealing the biggest whitest belly you ever saw, broke me off, 12lb Stren line split like a strand of dental floss being pulled through my bicuspids. I went Mike Iaconelli and yelled and screamed to no avail. At least she'll have to feel the shame of having a black/watermelon with chartreuse tipped craw fish hanging from her lip when she goes back to mingle with the other black bass. The lack of boat, the plentiful snakes, and sunning alligators within casting range make wading a bit of a quagmire. After watching the pros at the Bass Master Classic fish this very spot, I thought it was just a matter of putting a line in the water. I guess that's why those guys have terminal sun glass tans and a lifetime supply of Pemmican beef jerky and Stren fishing line. What a great way to live. But I must admit, bass isn't the most tasty, I think if I were fishing for a living I might have one catfish rig on the boat just to make sure I bring home some bounty, if the coveted Missouri Land O Lakes Bass Invitational trophy doesn't finds it's way to my mantle.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Shake up at College Gameday
Rumor spreading is that there will be some personnel changes on the set of arguably the greatest pre and post game show in the Fall.
Out: Fowler and Corso
In: Karl Ravech and Lou Holtz
Quick thoughts - Corso out, this was long over due. We can only be expected to listen to him butcher names, forget teams and be so predictable for so long. He was entertaining but the act has grown tired. But replacing him with Lou Holtz isn't exactly a step forward, in fact this might be considered a step backwards to many. Where Lou has the edge over Lee is on the sideline. Unlike Lee, Lou had success, of course until cheating began to be frowned upon. Get your umbrellas ready now, b/c the saliva shower is coming.
Getting rid of Folwer is a huge mistake. Karl Ravech has been Peter Gammons whipping boy for the past decade. This is what we can expect on Saturday mornings after taking ourselves from bed to couch, trying to get us jacked for a meaningless BIG 10 game, Purdue @ Minn.
The big wigs at Home Depot are spear heading this allegedly. Good job, loose Tony Stewart and then change the best sports pre and post game show in the history of televsion. Hey "Let's build somethign together."
Out: Fowler and Corso
In: Karl Ravech and Lou Holtz
Quick thoughts - Corso out, this was long over due. We can only be expected to listen to him butcher names, forget teams and be so predictable for so long. He was entertaining but the act has grown tired. But replacing him with Lou Holtz isn't exactly a step forward, in fact this might be considered a step backwards to many. Where Lou has the edge over Lee is on the sideline. Unlike Lee, Lou had success, of course until cheating began to be frowned upon. Get your umbrellas ready now, b/c the saliva shower is coming.
Getting rid of Folwer is a huge mistake. Karl Ravech has been Peter Gammons whipping boy for the past decade. This is what we can expect on Saturday mornings after taking ourselves from bed to couch, trying to get us jacked for a meaningless BIG 10 game, Purdue @ Minn.
The big wigs at Home Depot are spear heading this allegedly. Good job, loose Tony Stewart and then change the best sports pre and post game show in the history of televsion. Hey "Let's build somethign together."
Interesting times…
There is a lot of stuff happening in our world that could be construed as bothersome to some or a simple after thought to others. Watching the news has sadly become increasingly pointless, outside of getting your local weather of course. The national news will tell you one thing while the cable news will tell you another. The advent of 24 hour cable news sounded like a great idea, but in reality, trying to fill the air 24 hours a day and keep an audience, it would seem and is proving to be tough. Perhaps the term beating a dead horse was created to describe CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, etc…It’s not so much that the events occurring today are any different from years past, the same ailments of today have existed since the dinosaurs were building the foundation of the Oil boom. For instance we are witnessing the re-emergence of ocean going pirates, nothing says 21st century like a pirate attack! Sure would have thought that with the proliferation of long range high powered machine guns and, oh I don’t know, radar, these implements would have pretty much rendered pirating obsolete, but obviously destroyers versus drift boats and mercury outboards is more even matched than one would assume. And pretty certain there were earthquakes and volcanoes back in the day as well, don’t think so? Ask the next Pompeian you meet, well never mind. What it comes down to is that it’s the way these stories are covered and re-covered and covered one last time for the insomniac or the night watchman who might have missed it at every top of the hour for the last 10 hours. It is shoved down our throats at every turn; we can’t help but think it’s just a matter of time before pirates start cruising the local lakes and rivers. They are selling fear. And the populous is buying it. Dooms-dayers are having a field day running around with that crap-tastic “I told you so” obnoxious swagger. And don’t think that the Politics and politicians are any different today then they were 50-1000 years ago either. Along with the brash dictators and power mongers who will always play a key role in history and present times of the world. Again it’s the way they are handled and portrayed. Don’t be misled, is Hugo Chavez a giant douche – yes, and Barry O getting into a book club with him probably wasn’t smart, but he did, we have all seen, read, and heard about it to no end. And the mousy guy from Iran, who rocks the Members Only jackets daily, how does he keep getting picked to give speeches to the world? I think his speech writer wrote one speech and then was fired or more likely be-headed, “Israel and the US are bad, Holocaust never happened…blah blah blah.” We’ve heard it before Ahmadidyourjob! Now scurry back to Tehran and see how many “scientists” you can poison trying to enrich uranium. I guess with his little hate speech he thinks like Jimmy Buffett does with “Margaritaville” when you think you’ve got a hit, keep playing it. But eventually it’s up to us as individuals to decide what is and what isn’t a big deal, and that will be different for everyone. Everybody is in different places in their respective lives and sees relevance in different things. Letting the news and the slant with which it is reported define you, would be a shame. Don’t let others make up your mind for you.
[EDT: 4/22: Disregard all of the above, the world IS INDEED coming to an end. Proof - when a female hating queen is asked to judge the Miss USA Pageant, and still would rather be a catcher!]
To stay with the theme of over-coverage and driven network agendas, let’s look at a few historical moments and the way in which modern media types might have reported them:
How do you think Anderson Cooper would have handled the assassination of Julius Caesar? Besides demanding to conduct all interviews with Brutus and the other accused Senators, in the Roman Baths
.
Or Leslie Stahl on Women’s Suffrage, actually Leslie probably marched with them.
How about Rosie O’Donnell weighing in on the Irish Potato Famine, oh we could have only been so lucky as to have had Rosie “on location” for that one.
Or the great Chris Mathews handling the Charlie Manson murders.
There is a lot of stuff happening in our world that could be construed as bothersome to some or a simple after thought to others. Watching the news has sadly become increasingly pointless, outside of getting your local weather of course. The national news will tell you one thing while the cable news will tell you another. The advent of 24 hour cable news sounded like a great idea, but in reality, trying to fill the air 24 hours a day and keep an audience, it would seem and is proving to be tough. Perhaps the term beating a dead horse was created to describe CNN, MSNBC, FOX News, etc…It’s not so much that the events occurring today are any different from years past, the same ailments of today have existed since the dinosaurs were building the foundation of the Oil boom. For instance we are witnessing the re-emergence of ocean going pirates, nothing says 21st century like a pirate attack! Sure would have thought that with the proliferation of long range high powered machine guns and, oh I don’t know, radar, these implements would have pretty much rendered pirating obsolete, but obviously destroyers versus drift boats and mercury outboards is more even matched than one would assume. And pretty certain there were earthquakes and volcanoes back in the day as well, don’t think so? Ask the next Pompeian you meet, well never mind. What it comes down to is that it’s the way these stories are covered and re-covered and covered one last time for the insomniac or the night watchman who might have missed it at every top of the hour for the last 10 hours. It is shoved down our throats at every turn; we can’t help but think it’s just a matter of time before pirates start cruising the local lakes and rivers. They are selling fear. And the populous is buying it. Dooms-dayers are having a field day running around with that crap-tastic “I told you so” obnoxious swagger. And don’t think that the Politics and politicians are any different today then they were 50-1000 years ago either. Along with the brash dictators and power mongers who will always play a key role in history and present times of the world. Again it’s the way they are handled and portrayed. Don’t be misled, is Hugo Chavez a giant douche – yes, and Barry O getting into a book club with him probably wasn’t smart, but he did, we have all seen, read, and heard about it to no end. And the mousy guy from Iran, who rocks the Members Only jackets daily, how does he keep getting picked to give speeches to the world? I think his speech writer wrote one speech and then was fired or more likely be-headed, “Israel and the US are bad, Holocaust never happened…blah blah blah.” We’ve heard it before Ahmadidyourjob! Now scurry back to Tehran and see how many “scientists” you can poison trying to enrich uranium. I guess with his little hate speech he thinks like Jimmy Buffett does with “Margaritaville” when you think you’ve got a hit, keep playing it. But eventually it’s up to us as individuals to decide what is and what isn’t a big deal, and that will be different for everyone. Everybody is in different places in their respective lives and sees relevance in different things. Letting the news and the slant with which it is reported define you, would be a shame. Don’t let others make up your mind for you.
[EDT: 4/22: Disregard all of the above, the world IS INDEED coming to an end. Proof - when a female hating queen is asked to judge the Miss USA Pageant, and still would rather be a catcher!]
To stay with the theme of over-coverage and driven network agendas, let’s look at a few historical moments and the way in which modern media types might have reported them:
How do you think Anderson Cooper would have handled the assassination of Julius Caesar? Besides demanding to conduct all interviews with Brutus and the other accused Senators, in the Roman Baths
.
Or Leslie Stahl on Women’s Suffrage, actually Leslie probably marched with them.
How about Rosie O’Donnell weighing in on the Irish Potato Famine, oh we could have only been so lucky as to have had Rosie “on location” for that one.
Or the great Chris Mathews handling the Charlie Manson murders.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Economic pinchy, not so pinche que?
Man did we pull the short straw or what when it comes to good house keepers. First cleaner A brings an armada with her to clean our very modest size home. Seriously it takes me about 7 minutes to sweep the entire place and then about 30 seconds for it to get messy again. So cleaner A and her posse do a good job, but apparently she had already announced her retirement from the industry and forgot to let us know that her swiffering days were over. Because the following week, as was pre-arranged, she no showed and no called. This is after she had already stood-up a friend earlier that day. I must be in the wrong business. So then today we are set to meet our newest candidate, cleaner B, actually she was an hour late, so my darling wife had to leave, which meant it was just Mrs. B and I, bad news. Guys apparently can’t convey the needs of cleaning like a woman. I assumed she would realize that she was being paid to clean the entire house, not just to sweep and hop back on the bus. I mean she was wearing scrubs for crying out loud, I thought you have to pass some rigorous cleaning gauntlet before the other scrub wearing help would allow you to dawn the “professional” pajamas. But no, that’s not the case, she swept and disappeared. Money well spent. I look forward to next week when we clarify a few things. I have requested my darling wife to conduct this gathering so that our expectations can be met or lowered if need be. I like communication like that, surprises piss me off. I also like to test my maid, which I do by intentionally leaving some something somewhere it should not be left to see if they have indeed covered the house top to bottom. She failed test 1. Turns out hiding the checkbooks was pointless as well, that would have required walking to the back of the house and pulling out a drawer, I mean come on. I will say she might be pulling one over on me all the same. See she might have sand bagged and set the bar so low, actually just removing the bar all together, so that anything, and I mean anything she does from here on will truly seem like the work of a deity.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Jumping in head first
I’ll start by saying there are a lot of things in this world that interest me and have caused me to think and think some more. Whether it’s my cows or my college football, there is plenty of subject matter in between that at one time or a thousand has kept me up at night and again caused me to think and think some more. And so it begins…..
Tea Parties: I’ll start here b/c it’s pretty fresh and relevant.
I watched a bit of the coverage from the numerous Tea Parties that took place yesterday and wanted to share a few of my thoughts.
Thoughts:
Sean Hannity better enjoy having the rest of his life watched and wire tapped.
Keith Olbermann makes me want to weed-eat naked and do my ironing in a pool!
ESPN’s College Gameday has changed the way people will make witty signs forever! And God bless them for that.
John Rich has been growing that mustache since he was 12, when his mall-touring pop career flamed.
Neal Cavuto should be more aware when some disgruntled camera grip is rolling video on his/her I-Phone.
I think Rachel Maddow had a tranny sitting in for her last night on MSNBC. [edt: 4/16: correction it was indeed Rachel]
I paid my taxes yesterday, and it was neither a pleasure nor a joy, but you know what is a pleasure and a joy:
- Having my trash picked up weekly weather it’s in my can or asleep in my lawn.
- Having cops patrol my streets. I jog in a Polo as not to be harassed.
- Having fire fighters to put out fires possibly even in someone’s front yard trash barrel.
- Having roads that are navigable and not riddled with pot-holes or dead bodies
- Having a city pool, where if I need to get out of work, I can swim at and catch some infectious something in no time.
One last story that’s fairly relevant and then I’ll let it rest for a while.
4/10/09 – Shreveport LA.
It’s a Friday a Good Friday at that, I’m going to mow my lawn and have it looking sharp for the Easter weekend. I was threatened HE wouldn’t rise if the yard wasn’t mowed when I was little, so it’s become an annual deal for me. Anyways while mowing, making my turns, going counter clockwise, I find it beneficial to alternate week to week, to give every side of the blade adequate sun coverage through the growing part of the week. Forgive my tangents, they occur often, deal with it. A man pulls into my driveway and waves me over to his nice pick-up, very much like this one here http://www.dodge.com/en/2009/ram_1500/. I look at this guy, who is smoking a cig using the hood to support himself wondering if he is serious, all the while still holding my mower that is running. After a quick assessment of the situation I realize that this cat might have a heart attack if even the thought of doing something to me tried to traverse his brain cells, so I proceeded to hear the sorriest most pathetic plea I’ve heard for…. well anything. Sometimes if I do something I know I shouldn’t, like getting multiple samples from the same lady at Central Market by simply wearing my hat in the two traditional ways (forwards and backwards, to old to try the sideways thing) and no hat at all, I hear it from my conscious all day. This jack must have traded his conscious in for lotto tickets or something, because he didn’t hesitate to take a drag and then ask for the world. Here’s a short version of the conversation that ensued.
Not so Marlboro Man: Hey man you got any car batteries or anything?
Strapping Lawnboy: What?
NSMM: You got any car batteries that I could have?
SL: Car batteries?? Besides the ones running my cars, no I’m fresh out.
NSMM: Well I tell you what I got some lights for the yard, how much you give me for them?
SL: I’ll give you nothing and tell you what you can keep your lights.
NSMM: Alright man the deal is I’m down and out.
SL: You don’t say?
NSMM: Yeah I got 8 kids, 4 of them got me down for child support, and I just need some gas money, you know.
SL: Yes, I know, see that mower that is running over there, it uses gas too and right now it’s wasting a lot of it.
NSMM: Man the God would bless you if you could help me out.
SL: Hey, that’s a good angle on this most Holy of Days and weekends.
NSMM: Naw man it ain’t like that, I just need some money to get gas and what not.
SL: That sure is a nice truck for some needing a handout so badly.
NSMM: Yeah it was a gift.
** We talked for a few more minutes about the gift of the truck and I told him how I always found it better to give than to receive etc… Yes as you would expect he didn’t agree with that ideal and pretty much laugh/coughed tarry lung filth all over me for thinking giving was better than getting!!
SL: I tell you what, I’m not giving you cash, but I do have some frozen meat that your kids would like and it would feed all of them for a few days, how’d that be?
NSMM: Well, if that’s all you got I guess.
I found myself wondering if that venison every made it to its intended target. I hope it did. We might have a better idea next November if I see a sweet metallic orange Dodge pulling up to Academy letting out 8 little meat eaters all heading in to get hunting licenses because of their new found fondness of wild game. For some reason the blaze orange I see in their futures won’t be trimmed in camouflage.
Tea Parties: I’ll start here b/c it’s pretty fresh and relevant.
I watched a bit of the coverage from the numerous Tea Parties that took place yesterday and wanted to share a few of my thoughts.
Thoughts:
Sean Hannity better enjoy having the rest of his life watched and wire tapped.
Keith Olbermann makes me want to weed-eat naked and do my ironing in a pool!
ESPN’s College Gameday has changed the way people will make witty signs forever! And God bless them for that.
John Rich has been growing that mustache since he was 12, when his mall-touring pop career flamed.
Neal Cavuto should be more aware when some disgruntled camera grip is rolling video on his/her I-Phone.
I think Rachel Maddow had a tranny sitting in for her last night on MSNBC. [edt: 4/16: correction it was indeed Rachel]
I paid my taxes yesterday, and it was neither a pleasure nor a joy, but you know what is a pleasure and a joy:
- Having my trash picked up weekly weather it’s in my can or asleep in my lawn.
- Having cops patrol my streets. I jog in a Polo as not to be harassed.
- Having fire fighters to put out fires possibly even in someone’s front yard trash barrel.
- Having roads that are navigable and not riddled with pot-holes or dead bodies
- Having a city pool, where if I need to get out of work, I can swim at and catch some infectious something in no time.
One last story that’s fairly relevant and then I’ll let it rest for a while.
4/10/09 – Shreveport LA.
It’s a Friday a Good Friday at that, I’m going to mow my lawn and have it looking sharp for the Easter weekend. I was threatened HE wouldn’t rise if the yard wasn’t mowed when I was little, so it’s become an annual deal for me. Anyways while mowing, making my turns, going counter clockwise, I find it beneficial to alternate week to week, to give every side of the blade adequate sun coverage through the growing part of the week. Forgive my tangents, they occur often, deal with it. A man pulls into my driveway and waves me over to his nice pick-up, very much like this one here http://www.dodge.com/en/2009/ram_1500/. I look at this guy, who is smoking a cig using the hood to support himself wondering if he is serious, all the while still holding my mower that is running. After a quick assessment of the situation I realize that this cat might have a heart attack if even the thought of doing something to me tried to traverse his brain cells, so I proceeded to hear the sorriest most pathetic plea I’ve heard for…. well anything. Sometimes if I do something I know I shouldn’t, like getting multiple samples from the same lady at Central Market by simply wearing my hat in the two traditional ways (forwards and backwards, to old to try the sideways thing) and no hat at all, I hear it from my conscious all day. This jack must have traded his conscious in for lotto tickets or something, because he didn’t hesitate to take a drag and then ask for the world. Here’s a short version of the conversation that ensued.
Not so Marlboro Man: Hey man you got any car batteries or anything?
Strapping Lawnboy: What?
NSMM: You got any car batteries that I could have?
SL: Car batteries?? Besides the ones running my cars, no I’m fresh out.
NSMM: Well I tell you what I got some lights for the yard, how much you give me for them?
SL: I’ll give you nothing and tell you what you can keep your lights.
NSMM: Alright man the deal is I’m down and out.
SL: You don’t say?
NSMM: Yeah I got 8 kids, 4 of them got me down for child support, and I just need some gas money, you know.
SL: Yes, I know, see that mower that is running over there, it uses gas too and right now it’s wasting a lot of it.
NSMM: Man the God would bless you if you could help me out.
SL: Hey, that’s a good angle on this most Holy of Days and weekends.
NSMM: Naw man it ain’t like that, I just need some money to get gas and what not.
SL: That sure is a nice truck for some needing a handout so badly.
NSMM: Yeah it was a gift.
** We talked for a few more minutes about the gift of the truck and I told him how I always found it better to give than to receive etc… Yes as you would expect he didn’t agree with that ideal and pretty much laugh/coughed tarry lung filth all over me for thinking giving was better than getting!!
SL: I tell you what, I’m not giving you cash, but I do have some frozen meat that your kids would like and it would feed all of them for a few days, how’d that be?
NSMM: Well, if that’s all you got I guess.
I found myself wondering if that venison every made it to its intended target. I hope it did. We might have a better idea next November if I see a sweet metallic orange Dodge pulling up to Academy letting out 8 little meat eaters all heading in to get hunting licenses because of their new found fondness of wild game. For some reason the blaze orange I see in their futures won’t be trimmed in camouflage.
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