Views from the Levee

How time flies when you don’t pay attention, the levee has been battling rising waters the past week and if it weren’t for Sean Penn’s heroic, anonymous efforts, all might have been lost. However, the water has receded, Michael Vick is home, his cats are happy, and I’m now thirty, when life starts to matter. So to the 3 of you who's lives hang on your daily dose of “views from the levee” I apologize, but as Eminem dealt with severe writers block and needed a year to kick Valium and to decide if he wanted to bed-down or kill Kim, the levee too has had much on its proverbial plate. Age is just a number, at least that’s allegedly what some ladies have been told in Vegas every December, stopping promptly in 2006, but for some reason 30 has a different vibe to it. To answer why; would be like asking why fine China is called China even though it is not made of lead, a product of some 8 year old "average" gymnast or from China at all. Some things just have no explanation. So we go with it, like the flock of sheep you have been taught to become. Gut check is the best way to describe it in my opinion. You look in the mirror that morning, as every morning before, but this day, the beginning of your 30th year in existence and it’s different. This time you need to like and/or be okay/content with what you see. Because this time you have no excuse, the days of blaming poor decisions, inappropriate comments, or bad bets can no longer be chalked up to “I'm in my 20’s, I'll recover from this!” I promise the bad bets will continue, like not putting Mine That Bird in your Exacta at the Preakness! You fool, me too. As will the inappropriate comments, like thinking every server at the Mexican food joint wants to be spoken to in Spanish, they don't by the way, but I digress. At 30, society tells us that we should be on some sort of “path” and have “direction." Two words that when not associated with war or hiking, have very negative connotations. I guess not all feel this way about 30, some look forward to it, it justifies their expanding waist line and life long goal to “be old” and to others it’s a time to do self-inventory (a nice way of saying “do I fit in with the Jones’s?”) and to those others, it’s still just a number. Whatever it is to you, do what feels right, but do it with no regrets.


Now on to more pressing current happenings. Michael Vick has been released from Leavenworth Federal Prison, in Kansas. He did a 19 month stretch on a 23 month stint, while down for felony animal cruelty, tax evasion and living up to the stereotype. Sorry for those that aren’t into prison lingo, when House Hunters or Real Housewives isn’t on the levee's TV, anything with “Lock” in the title is being watched and DVR’ed at this housing unit, I mean house. So Mike gets to do the rest of his stint under house arrest. Wow wouldn’t we all be so lucky. The odds that Mike Vick isn’t soaking in a jacuzzi tub full of Dom Perignon right now are about as good as my one eyed tabby cat making it out of a Michael Vick puppy park alive. A 10 year, 130 million dollar deal wasn't enough, but seeing if Spike could "eliminate" Rosie was, I hope the street cred in your suburban Virgina hood works out for you. Congratulations, you have just become as thug as Grant Hill and Christian Laettner. The only solace is that every night when he slides between his 2100 thread count Egyptian sheets, hopefully he has nightmares of Pits using his corn rolls as dental floss. Even a 4.3 forty can't save you from terminal mental torment. Perhaps that will be his Waterloo.



Allegedly the NBA semi-finals are happening right now. From the levee it looks more like a 2-man game of horse with 8 other guys in jerseys, 3 zebras, an over paid NBA has been in a suit and 40,000 people paying hard earned money to watch. It's amazing that so many tatted up Rhodes Scholars can clear out and let the two super-stars do their version of the Brazilian Samba every time down the court. I know that traveling and fidelity in the NBA are only stories our grandpappys tell us about, but has defending the ball been completely lost during the leap from Jr. High to the NBA? And we scratch our heads when the Croatians pummel us every four years in the Olympics. If I watch 5 minutes of the next NBA play-off game it will be the first 4:45 minutes of NBA action I have seen all year, and 4:40 minutes more than want I wanted to see. But as a loyal Sporstcenter guy, I find myself wondering, can someone please produce Lebron's real birth certificate. The dude is 24 years old, allegedly, have you noticed the two bowling balls he calls shoulders and he's been trimming that beard since '97. Good thing the NBA has gone to long shorts.... And we thought we only cheated in the Tour de France .



Finally MLB baseball was on at the levee the other night, and man has Rawlings got a good thing going. Obviously neither the umpires nor MLB have received the memo that we are in a RECESSION. I bet they go through 100 balls a game. Cincinnati had some hack on the mound the other night that was very good at throwing a 59.5 ft. pitch, meaning every second pitch bounced to the catcher, and like Latino clock work, the catcher without hesitation would hand the ball to the home plate ump demanding a new ball. Thinking that it was obviously the balls fault that his rag armed pitcher couldn't get a curve ball to carry 60 ft 6 inches. And like the trained circus elephants they are, the ump would mindlessly hand a $20 Rawlings to the catcher, just to have to do the same swap-out no less than three pitches later. I guess being in the leather by-product business I should embrace such foolishness, but being a Phil Niekro fan, I appreciate the value of a good scuffed baseball.



As the Memorial Day Weekend awaits us, the levee is going to be on the road. The darling wife has put together what should be a most memorable weekend in Chicago. Considering there is only about a 4 month window to enjoy this true American city, we plan on doing our best. Personally the shopping potential on Michigan Avenue has kept me up the past couple of nights. Can we make all the stores? Will all the items I've been bird-dogging online still be in stock? Will Oprah leave any size 16's for the rest of us? Oh, the anxiety that kicks in before such a trip. All I know is that any time spent with my darling wife is time that is cherished and if nothing else we will always have the Art Institute of Chicago! And maybe a couple of deep dish pies.



Closing thought from the levee: As times are tough and getting tougher, and having just become happily married and seeing many peers have and/or attempt children, I have heard some question if bringing up children in such a changing world is even worth it. Well, I pass along some genius that was said to me one day, un-provoked as much advice I receive is. But these two optimistic thinkers said, instead of being afraid that your child might fall prey to the crazy world we live in, why not bare children and raise them to exude the virtues that we hold dear, and let them be the leaders of tomorrows generation. Have faith that your child will absorb your teachings and desire to carry those ideals into the years ahead. Remember as much as Nancy Pelosi makes us want to eat a bowl of thumb tacks in the morning at times, it only takes one young congressperson to cancel out her Karl Marx inspired vote!