The Dow of MJ.

They say that in a time of anguish, those in grief, should try to carry on as normal as possible, with the hope that a sense normalcy will allow ones mind to be free of the crisis at hand. Seeing on TV today, obviously heeding such advice and maintaining a sense of normalcy, all of Harlem and much of the world for that matter had taken the day off to watch Michael Jackson’s memorial. So I did the only thing I knew to do and decided to conduct an interactive critical analysis of the Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJI) and the fluctuations based on whom was speaking/eulogizing/singing/campaigning/reverse racism preaching etc…. This will not include every person who spoke; I found that if I hadn’t heard of them, than the stock traders in NY wouldn’t have either; thus having no real bearing on the market.

Berry Gordy – Founder of Motown Records was when the experiment began.
At this point the DJI was down/off 88 points (-88) for the day from an opening number of 8,325. The larger the number in ( ) the lower the market is going. That makes our starting total 8,237. If you can’t follow that don’t worry, actually be afraid, very afraid. For your future isn’t bright.

Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson – Two Laker greats, one has it all, the other wants it all minus 1 thing.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Kobe reading from teleprompter at a funeral, traders aren’t impressed (-89)
* Magic takes over, traders think this guy is invincible, they’re right (-87then-86)
* Magic makes KFC and Michael Jackson joke in same sentence, uh oh (-89)
* Magic does what he does best, saves the speech and gets back to even (-88)

Rev. Al Sharpton – The man needs no introduction, in fact he usually doesn’t need an invitation.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,237 (-88 points)
* Rev. comes out screaming, traders don’t like loud noises from posers (-89)
* Rev. continues to scream, traders have seen this act and are unimpressed (-90)
* Rev. mentions the other Rev (Jesse J.), traders are confused (-91)
* Rev. tries to start a single phrase chant, traders say “he’s no Dr. King” (-92)

John Mayer – Band nerd in High School that wants to scream “look at me now to all the jocks, but still a bit scared, so he got a tattoo, learned guitar and goes through Hollywood starlets like fingers through single ply.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,233 (-92 points)
* JM has it going on, traders can identify with the nerd in him (-91)
* JM is jamming, traders still thinking about Anniston and J. Simpson (-89)
* JM bust into bluesy solo, fingers so fast, traders finally identify with JM (-81)

Brooke Shields – She and MJ both shared in the pain of childhood stardom and post-partum.
Beginning – DJI @ 8,244 (-81 points)
* BS looked great, traders remembering Blue Lagoon (-79)
* BS showed first real emotion, traders hate to see pretty girls cry (-78)
* BS tells story of Elizabeth Taylor’s wedding, traders unsure which time (-80)
* BS says the name Blanket aloud, traders confused (-82)

Jermaine Jackson – Older brother of MJ, and looks like Max Headroom’s black counterpart.
Beginning – DJI 8,243 (-82 points)
* JJ grabs mic with one sequined glove, traders know it’s a gardening glove (-89)
* Traders no respect for any of the 4, of the 5, who couldn’t hack it (-92)
* JJ was wearing a blue tooth at on point, traders know it’s deactivated (-95)

MLK III and Sister – No introduction necessary for these two. Market dipped another -19 points as they were making their way to the stage, presumably still reeling from the Jermaine experience.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Not sure why, the Kings all seem like great people, but the traders were having none of it, I blame Sharpton for stealing their thunder. Market goes down (-118) but rebounds to break even at (-114) for their efforts.

Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee – (D-TX) House of Representatives, Houston Area!! Also the first vice-chairwoman of the Congressional Black Caucus.
Beginning – DJI 8,211 (-114 points)
* Apparently the traders didn’t like her using the memorial as a political stump and rewarded her with a large swing, down. (-125)
* Introducing a Bill into Congress declaring MJ to be recognized as a humanitarian and musical icon didn’t sit well with them either. (- 133)
* Referring to MJ as “The King”, obviously trying to stir the Elvis pot, didn’t bode well either. (-146)

Usher – The singer/dancer, many say this generations MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,179 (-146 points)
* Sheila’s damage was too much even for Usher to overcome; traders liked and rewarded his effort and raw emotion. (-135)

Old Clips of the Jackson 5.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Traders didn’t think much, confused on who the little black kid was. (-135)

Smokey Robinson – MJ’s hero and Motown’s first star. Might have same rare white turning skin disease as MJ.
Beginning – DJI 8,190 (-135 points)
* Smokey was cool, calm and funny, traders like that in an old black man (-131)

Shaheen Jafargholi – Britain’s Got Talent finalist, who MJ had asked to perform with him on this tour that was not to be. Sorry no warm milk Shaheen.
Beginning – DJI 8,194 (-131 points)
* Traders not sure if this was an old plaintiff or what. (-137)
* Kid had some pipes, and then was properly introduced, traders relieved. (-127)

Finale – We are the world and more family speeches.
Beginning – DJI 8,198 (-127 points)
* Traders nor viewers recognize a single person on stage singing, traders are pissed (-143)
* Still no-one knows who any of these imposters are, traders have had it (-145)
* But then, as if this wasn’t actually going to happen, all the performers, speakers and family spill onto the stage, traders pleased but possibly put out a bit (-137)
* Rev. J. Jackson and Rev. A. Sharpton shoulder to shoulder and Sharpton gets caught watching himself on TV and then decides to start waving his arms above his head. Traders back to pissed again. (-140)
* Lots of footage of MJ’s children singing, but singing a song that wasn’t “We are The World”, traders having mixed emotions. (-143)
* Jermaine gets the mic again and claims he was “MJ’s voice”, traders worn out by this attention whore. (-145)
* MJ’s daughter, Paris speaks in public for the first time and shows real emotion, traders and viewers appreciate that. (-140)

That’s a wrap; the Dow Jones Industrial Average was at 8,185 at the end of the Memorial. A 140 point loss (-140) during the broadcast. There are many hypotheses and summations that can be drawn from this data. Remember neither the numbers nor market lie. If we would listen, the market will always tell us what it wants/needs/demands. Below are some points of analysis that might make one turn a few lighter shades of brown.

- The market see’s no need in shutting down two LA freeways for a pop stars motorcade.
- The markets appreciates real talent old or new, see Smokey Robinson and Usher.
- The market wonders why a $25,000.00 coffin is necessary.
- The market worries about how the over $880,000.00 in pre-sold tickets for a concert, that obviously won’t be happening, is going to impact consumer spending.
- The market doesn’t take handouts, doesn’t need handouts, doesn’t like handouts and especially doesn’t like those that encourage/create/approve handouts see Rev. Sharpton and Congresswomen Sheila Jackson Lee.
- The market is over Brooke Shields, but the traders can’t get Blue Lagoon out of their minds.
- The market wanted 3 things, in no particular order, and got none:
1) Elizabeth Taylor
2) Bubbles
3) Justin Timberlake

Pretty sure only 2 of the 3 were possible, apparently Elizabeth has been accepted into an Ex-Hollywood Vixen Sanctuary in South Alabama, you can keep hot food on her plate for only $0.17 a day, but I digress.

Interpret the numbers as you may, this is just one opinion formed from the meticulously collected data, and again the market doesn’t lie, cheat or steal, but it seems to reward those that do!